Filling the Great Needs: What am I Called to Do?

I decided to take a break outside the house for a bit and breathe for once. I took some time to relax and reorient my thought on the happenings from the past several months.

I happened to be finishing up on a military chaplaincy discernment retreat when I read that my state would be undergoing a strict stay-at-home order due to the outbreak of COVID-19. A couple of months later, George Floyd was murdered, triggering a sociopolitical powder-keg which had been decades (arguably centuries) in the build-up. Coupled with this was a series of disappearances and murders within the ranks of the Army I loved with my whole heart.

So much brokenness in our country right now. This new decade has indeed ushered in a new chapter in our society: an era of mistrust, violence, and many unanswered questions. Many of my friends, family, and peers are devastated and burnt out by surrounding tensions. I've listened to some of these conversations, and I'm personally afraid of being on the "wrong side" of history.

Then, I remember my time at St. Patrick's Seminary during the retreat. Looking through the notes I took during those talks, I find a note I wrote down about "filling the great need." Now, I know this likely pointed to filling the need for military chaplains, but I think today's situations bring this bullet point to a much deeper meaning and calling.

Much of my prayer time was spent asking God for Him to do something. Unfortunately, this mentality often places God in the role of a holy vending machine which automatically grants us wishes if we say enough Our Fathers and Hail Marys within a particular period of time. Prayer is not magic that demands that God conform to us; it is an exercise which challenges us to manifest the will of God on our part. In other words, we ask God to on how we can answer the "great need" in our daily lives, because "faith without works is dead" (James 2:26).

I currently am on track to commission as an Army Officer as well as to be licensed as an Illinois teacher (by the way, the statements in my blog are by no means official statements or endorsement from the Department of Defense). In light of all the brokenness in America today, I hope I can help fill the "great needs" in the lives of my future students as well as the soldiers I may be leading. I know I can't fix everything, but I can sure as hell plant some seeds. I just hope things do change for the better after this subsides.

"You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. This is how prayer works." --Pope Francis

 Memory Eternal:
George Floyd
SPC Vanessa Guillen
SPC Enrique Roman-Martinez
Breonna Taylor
PFC Gregory Wedel-Morales

Lord, have mercy on everyone lost and broken in these tragedies.

Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

A Much-Owed Update

Yep, this blog's still alive.

On a more serious note, I duly apologize for not having written in months. Unfortunately, school and work dominated much of my Lent and Pascha/Easter, leaving me little to no time to write. With the conclusion of my second online semester, though, I'm taking the opportunity I have to provide content on this blog.

A lot has happened since last post. I finally got accepted into the master's in teaching program at UIC, and I am also in the process of getting into the ROTC program at that school. I'm very much excited to start yet another chapter in my life and finally achieve my goals to become a high school teacher and an Army officer. In the meantime, I'm just about halfway through with my current online certification with George Mason University, and I will soon get ready to start my internship with the Smithsonian Institute this fall!

I had a wonderful Lent, Holy Week, and Pascha this year. Aside from at least one thing breaking per day in the church during Holy Week (and me almost tripping and setting myself on fire on Good Friday), I had a great time serving and praying at all the services. I'm currently in the process of seeking a spiritual director to help me discern my vocation, which I will hopefully delve into later on.

It's a bit of a short update, but I promise I have a lot of ideas developed during my little hiatus. Be sure to follow me on Instagram and Facebook for updates! Thanks for stopping by!

The Agenda for 2018...

Happy (almost) 2018, readership! I hope your 2017 has been fruitful, and I pray that our blessings continue to multiply over the next year!

Post-AIT graduation; on the bus back to the barracks, and freedom (sort of)

2017 has been one heck of a ride. With the completion of BCT and AIT in January, I'm now drilling with my unit back home in Illinois. I got my first full-time job, and I'm currently taking classes for an online certificate which I'm paying for out of pocket. It's not much as of now, but I'm glad I have some sort of foundation established. With a regular source of income, I'm able to provide some degree of financial assistance to my family back home, and also support my parish at St. John the Baptist.

I'm looking forward to what I've planned so far for 2018. As I stated earlier, I just booked my flight to the Philippines to visit family in January. It's the shortest that I'll be staying there (only one week), but I'll be sure to make the most of it! On the way back, I have a 15-hour layover in Seoul, South Korea, so I'm definitely planning on catching up with a couple of battle buddies stationed there as well. Two birds with one stone. ;)

Jackson Square, New Orleans, Louisiana

Halfway through February, I'll be flying into Pittsburgh to visit the Byzantine Catholic Seminary of Sts. Cyril and Methodius. Having recently transferred into the Melkite Greek Catholic Church (see this old post for context), I've been wanting to go further in my vocational discernment by seeing what it's like for our current seminarians (please pray for them, by the way!). I haven't made any solid decisions, but I'm excited for this adventure in particular!

Chicago Open Air 2017

I haven't received any decisions on my current application for graduate school, but I'm hoping that I'll get an answer sometime by spring. With help from my old professors and a few others, I've applied for a master's program in teaching history at UIC. As the current owner of a bachelor's in history, I've wanted to advance my education so I can be qualified to teach high school history. In addition, should I be accepted, I hope to contact the ROTC program at UIC to knock out my commission as well.

Luke Skopwalker outside of the 330th Homestead! (Miss you, buddy!)

This is currently my agenda for next year, but things may or may not change up. There's always that one episode in between that could prove to be a sudden plot twist. But I'm not too intimidated by that; I could use a good surprise or two this year. I definitely feel like 2017 was the "let's get down to business" phase for me, and I pray that continues into 2018. Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to give me a like on Facebook for blog updates! Have a blessed new year!

Refresher Week!

I get to relax for once!

As I sit here awaiting Game 3 of the 2017 World Series, I reflect on a remarkably productive week. I decided to arrange my agenda into a schedule for once (I know, I was ridiculously disorganized up until this point. I'm surprised I've made it so far in that state). It's amazing to see how one little change could relieve so much stress over daily errands!

I'm more or less caught up on my online classes and I'm anxious to get this semester over with. At the same time, I'm doing some finishing touches on my graduate school application and I hopefully will get that in by early November. I'm excited to begin a new chapter at my old university.

I'm starting to get the hang of adulting a bit. I'm slowly but surely learning to handle my own resources and prioritize my errands. I'm actually becoming less worried about the money in my pocket, and I pray I never let that become my idol. Quick shoutout to my parents for helping me on the way for the past couple decades!

I had a blast going to a couple of Halloween parties this week. I decided to use an old costume idea from a few years ago:

They said I could be anything, so I became an internet meme...

This morning, I went to Confession for spiritual refreshment. In addition, I called up the vocations director for the Melkite Eparchy of Newton, Father John Azar. More to come in later posts...

In summa, I loved this week. There wasn't anything significantly bad about it, and I feel much better than with previous recent weeks. It's a bunch of little things, but it's a bunch that made a positive impact. It's the little blessings that God rains upon us each and every single day.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." --Matthew 6:34

Persons of Interest! #5: Father Vincent Capodanno, USN (1929-1967)

Work and school have settled in this month, and I have just arrived back home after a long three-week training with my unit. In spite of these new additions to my schedule, I am still determined to post at least a few things per month.

It has been a while since my last Persons of Interest! entry. I'm changing things up a bit for this series by introducing someone who I have not personally known, yet has made a big impact on my vocational discernment.

 

Last night, I watched a wonderful documentary on the life of this priest on EWTN, "Called and Chosen". Fr. Capodanno was born into a family strong in the Catholic faith. Vin, as he was affectionately known at home, discerned early on in this life that he wanted to be a priest and serve as a missionary. He was told he didn't have to do all of that and that he could serve the Church back home, but his heart pulled strongly towards bringing Christ to those who were less than able to come to Him.

After completing his first mission with the Maryknoll Fathers, Father Capodanno learned of the outbreak of the Vietnam War. Knowing in his heart that American forces needed the presence of God in this new conflict, he petitioned his superiors for permission to join the military as a chaplain. Again, many told him he didn't have to go, but he longed to serve those who were stationed afar. He commissioned as an officer in the United States Navy and was eventually assigned to one of the Marine units fighting in Vietnam. Many Marines found solace in the presence of Fr. Capodanno, who often made it to the front lines with them, and he became a beloved figure among those he served. For his constant presence in the lives of these Marines, from serving Mass and hearing confessions to going on patrols, he earned the nickname of the "Grunt Padre".

On September 4, 1967, Marines found themselves pinned down by North Vietnamese forces during Operation Swift. Fr. Capodanno's unit was sent to where the fighting was thickest, and Fr. Capodanno, at the last minute, boarded the last helicopter headed to the hotspot. Once more, he was told he didn't have to go, but he knew many men would be needing comfort in the turmoil of war.

The priest, upon his arrival, rushed to aid the fallen. He comforted the wounded and the despairing; he gave last rites to the fallen; he helped drag people to safety; he did everything he could to convey the presence of Christ in a place where it seemed otherwise. However, in an attempt to rescue a wounded Navy Corpsman (medic), Fr. Capodanno was gunned down. For his courage and selfless service to his Marines, Fr. Vincent Capodanno was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor, the highest military award granted by the United States. His cause for canonization as a Saint in the Catholic Church has been opened as well, and many pray for the Grunt Padre's intercession to this day. His name is etched on the Vietnam Memorial in Washington, D.C.

With the 50th anniversary of his death coming on Monday, I find Fr. Capodanno's story to be inspiring for those discerning life in mission. Many will say we do not need to go so far to make such an impact. Perhaps that may be true in some cases, but Fr. Capodanno provides a beautiful example of self-sacrifice and the drive to bring Christ to others.

Servant of God Vincent Capodanno, pray for us!

A Supersatiated Month

My postings have become a bit more sparse due to work and other obligations, but it doesn't mean I'll be abandoning this little blog of mine any time soon. The past month has been a roller-coaster, and I'll try to cover as much as possible while not overwhelming the reader's head.

It's been well over a month since I got my first job. My co-workers have been very welcoming to me and have been more than willing to answer my questions and get me trained on a variety of things. I've been able to pay for my family's expenses a bit, so I feel like I'm actually doing something to alleviate our overall financial situation. Plus, I'll have a bit of money for school. :D

I went to a few parties with some old college friends recently. Many of these friends have already graduated and are moving on to the next stages of wherever their lives take them. I hope against hope that I'll maintain some form of communication with them. I value these people tremendously for the impact they've had on me during my undergrad years, and I'm a bit stubborn to let these people fade into the chapters of the past.

Sparklers at an equally energetic graduation bash. Thanks for having us along, Kasia!

I got to spend this past weekend with some rather awesome colleagues at my unit. We had a dining out on Saturday evening (during which yours truly was part of the honor guard), followed by a PT test the morning after. I surprisingly set a new record on my PT test, which gave me a self-esteem boost and a new goal--beat that record.

Aside from other hangouts, I still have quite a lot of stuff to do for the rest of the summer. I've never felt so busy before during a summer, and it's a new, post-undergrad lifestyle I'll need to get adjusted to. Things are moving generally smoothly, but at the same time, I'm excited to see what the rest of 2017 has to offer me.

Thanks for stopping by and be sure to like/follow the blog on Facebook!

A Spark of Conversion

Not too long ago, I found an advertisement on Facebook for a web series entitled "City of Saints". I was interested and signed up to receive updates on new episodes. Yesterday, I received an email informing me of the new episode, which you can view yourself in the link provided.

City of Saints Episode 1: The Good Thief

After having viewed this, I was exceptionally touched by Alex's conversion story. I, along with many others, can relate to the struggles, both external and internal, that he had faced in life. Many times, I often felt that I had no one to turn to for guidance, no matter where I looked.

It took various personal struggles in high school and college for me to realize that God the Father is always watching over me, even when I feel like He's not there. Every fall I have experienced has led to a greater rise; and it will only become greater in the years to come, in spite of the trials yet to come, as long as I keep my desires fixed on Christ, the Summit of my life.

Faith has always been important. With the recent troubles going on in our communities, we need to keep our focus on hope and strive to repair and build up those who cannot sustain themselves. We all have a calling to change at least one person's life and potentially start a chain reaction of change; question is, are we going to answer it?

I highly recommend that you sign up to subscribe to the City of Saints series. There are more inspirational stories to come! Also, please like my Facebook page and follow me on Instagram for blog updates! Thanks for stopping by!

Break from the Break

Life can get pretty hectic, even when you think you're in a break period.

Today, I went on a men's retreat at St. John Cantius in Chicago (aka America's Most Beautiful Church). Figured I needed to reflect a little more on where I've gone in life and to discern a little more where God wanted to take me.

There was a lot of material given during the retreat talks relating to faith and theology, but what really struck me was the prayer involved. Undergoing the Sacrament of Penance, attending Holy Mass, and praying the Rosary and the Stations of the Cross became a revitalization for me who hadn't done most of these things in quite some time. I began to rethink the status of my faith and I realized I needed to be a bit more upfront and honest with myself.

Too long have I been stagnant waiting for God to drop answers from the sky; I know He has the answers, but I need to act if I truly wish to participate in His will. God's not a vending machine through which a certain number of prayers will get me the things I need, much less the things I want. I need to give myself to the One who gave Himself for me. That's how you get personal with God.

Persons of Interest! #4: Charlie Company, 369th AG BN, 1st Platoon: Samurai

Having completed all training requirements, I am now qualified for my job in the Army! I should be set to come home this week and I'm aching to catch up upon arrival!

I'd like to shine the spotlight on my battle buddies. I have mentioned them in previous posts, but I very much stress their impact on me. Together, we have gone through quite the times. We've shared laughs, tears, and motivation all through these eight weeks of AIT. From struggling to stay awake in class to bowling at Ivy Lanes to rushing to recall formation back on post, I feel more built up as a person with the times I spent with them.

Now the time has come to go our separate ways. Some of us will be stationed away from our homes--even overseas--while others will be returning to serve our local communities. Each and every one of us has a unique story and lifepath, and all of these streams flowed into a beautiful experience during our time here. Now the time has come for these rivers to separate and go where they are directed.

Perhaps I will run into them again (Actually, that might happen with certain people this year. You know who you are.). Regardless of whether or not that happens, I pray that all of them find success and blessings throughout their lives, and I state again that I am proud to begin my service alongside them all.

A new generation of soldiers is about to emerge this week. Congratulations to all who made it!

SAMURAI UNITE! ONE TEAM ONE FIGHT!

You End Some, You Continue Some, You Begin Some

Happy 2017! It's the beginning of a new year, and of course, new adventures!

I'm very happy to have celebrated Christmas and New Year's with family and friends back home in Chicago, but alas, my holiday leave has come to an end, and I must travel back to Fort Jackson to continue (and finish) AIT.

Highlights from my leave included, but were not limited to:

• Watching Rogue One, Assassin's Creed, and Moana
• Witnessing my friends break a coffee table during a rough round of spoons
• A Christmas party with my brothers and sisters in SFL

I am not sad that these have come to an end; I'm glad because they happened. That's the key to cherishing memories.

I am very excited to reunite with my battle buddies back at Fort Jackson. Since the beginning of November, I've gotten to learn so much from them, and they truly have helped me grow and be motivated to overcome each passing week. We've only a few weeks left of training left now, so I pray we all can finish this strong!

I want to sidestep a bit and give a shout-out to my battle buddies. Some of us are entering the Army as a Reservist or a National Guardsman and will be returning back home after AIT--with myself included among them. Others came in as full-time, active duty members, who will have little time to say goodbye to their families back home before reporting to their first duty station--a sacrifice which earns them my utmost respect. Regardless of which component we entered in as, I have respect for my fellow soldiers who made the choice to raise their hand and took the oath of enlistment, a small but profound action that will go a long way. Perhaps, in the years following our graduation from AIT, we will see each other again; in a military or civilian setting, I do not know, but I hope we can catch up again after a few years or so.

With the beginning of a new year, more blank pages emerge to be written in our biographies. What will become of us this time? I have many predictions and theories about what may happen to me, but the outcomes are obviously subject to change (plot twists do end up becoming the most interesting, if not key, moments, though).

Here's to the future, with a hit from the past:

Set on You

One day, when I was about six years old, my dad gave me a couple of Beatles cassettes. Upon the first listen, I instantly fell in love with the band that would be one of my introductions to the world of rock.

At a later point, I began to listen to the solo projects of each member produced after the band's breakup. Recently, I was hearing a song by George Harrison (which I later learned was a cover) called "Got My Mind Set On You".

From my perspective, if the Beatles had continued on past 1970, their sound in the 80s would have been no different than this. George is (currently) my favorite Beatle because of this song. :)

Anyways, I wanted to bring up this song because it provoked quite a few thoughts within me. I've got my mind set on certain goals (not necessarily relationship-wise, as is the main intention of the lyrics), but I know there's time and effort involved in reaching them. But it's good to not jump the gun sometimes, as you might miss important details. It also has proved to be a bit of a motivator as well. I do have a plan of attack set for my future career, and so far, I'm progressing at a steady pace.

Thanks, George.