Filling the Great Needs: What am I Called to Do?

I decided to take a break outside the house for a bit and breathe for once. I took some time to relax and reorient my thought on the happenings from the past several months.

I happened to be finishing up on a military chaplaincy discernment retreat when I read that my state would be undergoing a strict stay-at-home order due to the outbreak of COVID-19. A couple of months later, George Floyd was murdered, triggering a sociopolitical powder-keg which had been decades (arguably centuries) in the build-up. Coupled with this was a series of disappearances and murders within the ranks of the Army I loved with my whole heart.

So much brokenness in our country right now. This new decade has indeed ushered in a new chapter in our society: an era of mistrust, violence, and many unanswered questions. Many of my friends, family, and peers are devastated and burnt out by surrounding tensions. I've listened to some of these conversations, and I'm personally afraid of being on the "wrong side" of history.

Then, I remember my time at St. Patrick's Seminary during the retreat. Looking through the notes I took during those talks, I find a note I wrote down about "filling the great need." Now, I know this likely pointed to filling the need for military chaplains, but I think today's situations bring this bullet point to a much deeper meaning and calling.

Much of my prayer time was spent asking God for Him to do something. Unfortunately, this mentality often places God in the role of a holy vending machine which automatically grants us wishes if we say enough Our Fathers and Hail Marys within a particular period of time. Prayer is not magic that demands that God conform to us; it is an exercise which challenges us to manifest the will of God on our part. In other words, we ask God to on how we can answer the "great need" in our daily lives, because "faith without works is dead" (James 2:26).

I currently am on track to commission as an Army Officer as well as to be licensed as an Illinois teacher (by the way, the statements in my blog are by no means official statements or endorsement from the Department of Defense). In light of all the brokenness in America today, I hope I can help fill the "great needs" in the lives of my future students as well as the soldiers I may be leading. I know I can't fix everything, but I can sure as hell plant some seeds. I just hope things do change for the better after this subsides.

"You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. This is how prayer works." --Pope Francis

 Memory Eternal:
George Floyd
SPC Vanessa Guillen
SPC Enrique Roman-Martinez
Breonna Taylor
PFC Gregory Wedel-Morales

Lord, have mercy on everyone lost and broken in these tragedies.

Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.