Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

Refresher Week!

I get to relax for once!

As I sit here awaiting Game 3 of the 2017 World Series, I reflect on a remarkably productive week. I decided to arrange my agenda into a schedule for once (I know, I was ridiculously disorganized up until this point. I'm surprised I've made it so far in that state). It's amazing to see how one little change could relieve so much stress over daily errands!

I'm more or less caught up on my online classes and I'm anxious to get this semester over with. At the same time, I'm doing some finishing touches on my graduate school application and I hopefully will get that in by early November. I'm excited to begin a new chapter at my old university.

I'm starting to get the hang of adulting a bit. I'm slowly but surely learning to handle my own resources and prioritize my errands. I'm actually becoming less worried about the money in my pocket, and I pray I never let that become my idol. Quick shoutout to my parents for helping me on the way for the past couple decades!

I had a blast going to a couple of Halloween parties this week. I decided to use an old costume idea from a few years ago:

They said I could be anything, so I became an internet meme...

This morning, I went to Confession for spiritual refreshment. In addition, I called up the vocations director for the Melkite Eparchy of Newton, Father John Azar. More to come in later posts...

In summa, I loved this week. There wasn't anything significantly bad about it, and I feel much better than with previous recent weeks. It's a bunch of little things, but it's a bunch that made a positive impact. It's the little blessings that God rains upon us each and every single day.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." --Matthew 6:34

No Such Thing as a "True Copy"

While I was studying for my digital humanities course this semester, I came across an interesting article entitled, "Building Meaning in Digitized Photographs". It feels a bit strange to write about an academic work in a casual blog like this, but what I read had me thinking about a personal issue many of us have encountered at least once in our life.

Cutting to the chase, the author, Paul Conway, talks about the implications surrounding the digitization of images. Conway brings to question whether or not these digital copies are true and equal to the analog originals from which they were taken. He then draws various examples of different copying methods and analyzes how "true" these copies are to the originals. In spite of advancements in digitization technology, Conway concluded that digitized images were--to some extent--altered copies of their originals and thus never the "true" originals.

The reason why I'm bringing this article up is that it relates to the idea of the role model or the "idol". We all have had people to look up to as examples on how to live our life. "I want to be like them!" "I want to be selfless as her!" "I wish I could be as talented as them!" Questions like these race through our minds as we think about the people we admire. It's a good thing to look up to exemplary people such as our family and friends, but when does one take it too far?

As much as we can copy the good deeds we witness (and I pray that we continue to do so), we are not meant to copy another one's life to the smallest detail. Our interests may not be the same. I might be called for one thing, and you may be called to do another. You cannot force yourself to conform 100% to someone else's lifestyle in the hopes that you can do exactly what they do; you will inadvertently have a different experience and perspective from what the other has, no matter how detailed your "equivalent" is.

Besides, if everyone lived out their lives the same as each other--like the society portrayed in Lois Lowry's "The Giver"--where is the dynamic beauty of diversity and originality? Life wouldn't be as motivating and adventurous if you knew how it was going to turn out based on what you've seen in others. You have your own story; you have been authored by the Author of Life Himself, with the next chapters hidden away for you to write out by your choices. The world is a library of books coming and going, and you have a chance to write the next inspirational best-seller for generations to read. You can cite from past works, but your work must be your own. It is the newness of your impact that makes the difference. Pass on the ideas, but make it your own in your place in your time; that will be the epicenter of your works.

"...I saw that all the flowers He has created are lovely. The splendour of the rose and whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. I realised that if every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness and there would be no wild flowers to make the meadows gay." --St. Thérèse of Lisieux, "The Story of a Soul"

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A Supersatiated Month

My postings have become a bit more sparse due to work and other obligations, but it doesn't mean I'll be abandoning this little blog of mine any time soon. The past month has been a roller-coaster, and I'll try to cover as much as possible while not overwhelming the reader's head.

It's been well over a month since I got my first job. My co-workers have been very welcoming to me and have been more than willing to answer my questions and get me trained on a variety of things. I've been able to pay for my family's expenses a bit, so I feel like I'm actually doing something to alleviate our overall financial situation. Plus, I'll have a bit of money for school. :D

I went to a few parties with some old college friends recently. Many of these friends have already graduated and are moving on to the next stages of wherever their lives take them. I hope against hope that I'll maintain some form of communication with them. I value these people tremendously for the impact they've had on me during my undergrad years, and I'm a bit stubborn to let these people fade into the chapters of the past.

Sparklers at an equally energetic graduation bash. Thanks for having us along, Kasia!

I got to spend this past weekend with some rather awesome colleagues at my unit. We had a dining out on Saturday evening (during which yours truly was part of the honor guard), followed by a PT test the morning after. I surprisingly set a new record on my PT test, which gave me a self-esteem boost and a new goal--beat that record.

Aside from other hangouts, I still have quite a lot of stuff to do for the rest of the summer. I've never felt so busy before during a summer, and it's a new, post-undergrad lifestyle I'll need to get adjusted to. Things are moving generally smoothly, but at the same time, I'm excited to see what the rest of 2017 has to offer me.

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Justinian's Hymn and God's Marriage Proposal

The Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom is an ancient and beautiful worship service celebrated by many Catholic and Orthodox Christians of the Byzantine tradition. Theology is highly integrated in the prayers spoken by the clergy and laity to the point where the divine and the material are intertwined at a single point. I am proud to be part of a Catholic parish which lives out this theology every Sunday morning.

One of my favorite prayers from the Divine Liturgy is the Hymn of Justinian, whose composure is generally attributed to the emperor for whom it was named after. It is a simple paragraph on the surface, but deep down, it is a prayer and a profession of faith in what and who Christ is and our relationship with Him.

"O Only Begotten Son and Word of God, immortal as You are..."

First and foremost, we acknowledge the divinity and omnipotence of God, particularly focusing on God the Son. He is infinite and the source of existence itself; no human mind can fully comprehend who He is.

"...You condescended for our salvation..."

In spite of our insignificance in comparison to Him, God loved, loves, and will love us. In spite of our imperfections, He opened the way for our eternal redemption.

"...to be incarnate of the Holy Theotokos, and ever-virgin Mary, and without undergoing change You became man."

The way he opened the gates to paradise was taking on our nature, not merely assuming a human likeness. In a harmonic union with his divinity, Christ assumed full humanity, experiencing all that humans would endure, including suffering, and ultimately, death.

"You were crucified, O Christ God, and You trampled death by Your death."

Picture this. The gates of Hades open to receive another soul taken from the earth. Business as usual, perhaps? But this is no ordinary arrival. Although this soul's arrival was clearly a result of a mortal death, it is at the same time the Soul of a divine being. Hades has no choice but to let this soul rejoin to the body from which it was separated, as the realm of the finite has no room for the infinite. But this means much more than this. A mortal, yet immortal being rising from the dead? Inconceivable. That would mean that other mortal souls could exit Hades as well. Christ has broken the chains of death! The power of Hades no longer imprisons the just souls awaiting the opening to Paradise. The game has changed forever.

"You who are one of the Holy Trinity, equal in glory with the Father and the Holy Spirit, save us."

With God's plan of salvation culminating in the Incarnation, Passion, and Resurrection, a new chapter begins in our biography. Now, we have a chance at communion with God. As He fully partook in our human nature, we in turn are invited to partake in the divinity of Christ. This is our faith, our destiny with the divine. It is a celebration of a union, a wedding between heaven and earth.

"God became man so that man could become like God." --St. Athanasius

Started From the Bottom, Now We 'Scape

Ever since I was given a PlayStation as a Christmas gift, gaming has been a definitive part of my life. It was gaming that introduced me to the ideas of hard work, achievement, and the adventures in between. Although I'm a 22 year old fresh out of college, I like to set aside some time away from the real world to let off a little steam.

One of the first games I was introduced to was RuneScape, which I started playing around the fall of 2005; I remember the day when I saw a few kids playing it at my neighborhood library and curiously asked what they were playing. I created an account and almost immediately fell in love with it. I learned that some of my friends at school had started playing it as well, and I used the game to occasionally chat with them. Today, I still occasionally log on to the game, though I'm balancing it out with more important things to do in the real world.

Recently, Jagex, the company behind RuneScape, released a documentary marking fifteen years since the game's release. You can watch it here. It's amazing to see how far something can go starting with so little. RuneScape's development from a simple MUD (multi-user dungeon) produced in a kitchen office to one of the most prominent MMOs in the world serves as a model for many who seek to make a big impact; persisting and believing in one's passions is what cultivates those passions to grow and become something larger, something that reaches out to people and solidifies itself as something to be remembered.

I know I'm sounding like a total nerd (or materialist) using a game like RuneScape as an example of "started from the bottom, now we're here," but I believe stories like this are what enable many to use what little they have to make something big. It doesn't even have to start with anything material; it could simply be an idea or concept that one cultivates and shapes over time and is shared to the point where it becomes larger than its original form. Even if it impacts only one person, there is at least one shift in conditions that will be ingrained for some time.

I'll again leave this post with some questions to reflect on. What are your passions? What crazy ideas or dreams do you have for them? What could be the potential impact of these dreams on the world around you? On yourself?