Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

Cultivating Personal Vocabulary

A friend of mine invited me via text to an event called the Chicago Language Cafe. At a bar which wasn't too far of a drive from my place, there were several tables at which I could practice and brush up on the languages I learned in school. Needless to say, that was a very enjoyable refresher.

My first stop was the Arabic table, marked by an Egyptian flag (Luckily, it wasn't Egyptian dialect only; I would have been destroyed trying to pick up on that.). A couple of native speakers at that table helped me get settled and refreshed me on a lot of vocabulary and grammar which I hadn't utilized in about four years. I had once been actively fluent during my Arabic courses back at UIC, but I let myself go rusty once I finished the language requirements for my degree. However, once I took hold again of my basics, I was able to maintain a decent conversation for a hot minute.

As the conversation flowed, I became more expressive and my chemistry with the others became more dynamic. I got more comfortable and confident speaking as the native speakers coached me. After I came back home, I ended my day feeling affirmed and motivated to develop my language skills more at events like that.

I think there's deeper takeaways from this event than simple language refreshers. It taught me never to be afraid to seek additional coaching at something you're not confident in; there's no shame in asking questions. The best way to practice something is to actually do it, applying outside guidance as needed.

But the most profound lesson for me is that speaking to someone in their language helps them to get to know you better. And by language, I don't simply mean foreign languages; I include body language, personal background, environment, and culture. There are various ways in which people express and understand ideas, and the way that one expresses themselves might not be as easily understood by another. Sometimes, we need to step out of our shoes and affirm how the other experiences things. In the process, we add a little more words to our social vocabulary and our overall human experience matures; we become more flexible in our communication and thus more open to what other people have to say.

I'll close off this post with some questions to reflect on:

• What "languages" do you speak? In other words, what defines how you see things?
• How have you differed from others in experiencing similar things?
• What sorts of "social vocabulary" do you think you'd need to pick up to better understand who's around you?

Refresher Week!

I get to relax for once!

As I sit here awaiting Game 3 of the 2017 World Series, I reflect on a remarkably productive week. I decided to arrange my agenda into a schedule for once (I know, I was ridiculously disorganized up until this point. I'm surprised I've made it so far in that state). It's amazing to see how one little change could relieve so much stress over daily errands!

I'm more or less caught up on my online classes and I'm anxious to get this semester over with. At the same time, I'm doing some finishing touches on my graduate school application and I hopefully will get that in by early November. I'm excited to begin a new chapter at my old university.

I'm starting to get the hang of adulting a bit. I'm slowly but surely learning to handle my own resources and prioritize my errands. I'm actually becoming less worried about the money in my pocket, and I pray I never let that become my idol. Quick shoutout to my parents for helping me on the way for the past couple decades!

I had a blast going to a couple of Halloween parties this week. I decided to use an old costume idea from a few years ago:

They said I could be anything, so I became an internet meme...

This morning, I went to Confession for spiritual refreshment. In addition, I called up the vocations director for the Melkite Eparchy of Newton, Father John Azar. More to come in later posts...

In summa, I loved this week. There wasn't anything significantly bad about it, and I feel much better than with previous recent weeks. It's a bunch of little things, but it's a bunch that made a positive impact. It's the little blessings that God rains upon us each and every single day.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." --Matthew 6:34

Open Ears

I forgot to bring my headphones.

I sat uncomfortably throughout my ride on the CTA this morning. I did not have the usual comfort of listening to Gemini Syndrome on my commute, instead looking everywhere and generally avoiding eye contact with other people; I occasionally looked through my Facebook profile and emails on my phone, but even that couldn't alleviate the discomfort and social anxiety. I was used to closing off the outside world with my headphones and staying comfortable in the stagnancy of my "happy place".

But not this time. With my ears open, I was barraged with the bustle and boom of the world around me. Conversations about recent events. Parents introducing their children to the public transit system. Arguments on the phone. Homeless people asking for help.

Why now? Why should I listen to all of this? It pains my ears to hear the pain in this world. I want the noise to stop.

But that's probably why my ears were opened in the first place. One can ignore the pain, but it doesn't make it go away; it will still be there when you return to reality. You'll have to treat it directly if you wish to make your world a place worth living in.

Reality can hurt. It's what we do with the hurt that brings us out either at our best or our worst. We open our ears and listen to our surroundings. What is wrong? How can we fix it? What is right? How can we cultivate it? More questions may lie behind these initial ones, but they lead to more refined answers as we delve and explore our world and our lives.

I'm glad I didn't bring my headphones.

"Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear." --Mark 4:9b