The Real Next Steps

Sitting alone in my house, I decide to let myself rest for the remainder of my day after having completed some needed chores over the weekend. I gave my old iPod a charge and listened to some good old worship music which I hadn't heard in months.

Though I do have a preference for traditional Sunday Masses and Divine Liturgies, I like a good Hillsong United, United Pursuit, Matt Maher, etc., on my playlist. When I'm not in the church, I like to reflect and meditated on the go by playing Christian music on my playlist. There's something about this music that soothes my soul and reassures my heart.

One of the songs I listened to was Matt Maher's "A Future Not My Own". It's a fairly recent release from this Catholic artist, and the album overall (Saints and Sinners) is great.

Throughout my life, I've always felt some degree of incompleteness. Even though I manage to resolve one issue, a few more show up, causing more self-questioning and sometimes even frustration. I always felt like I was running in circles whenever I thought about the next step I had to take in life, thinking that I wasn't really making any positive progress. But, after having listened to this a couple of times, I see that how I saw this situation was not quite how God was seeing me. Looking back, wherever I found initial frustration, I realized that was God redirecting me according to His plans, not mine.

There's a saying I've seen circulate in a few homilies and Instagram posts that goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." In previous years, I thought I had everything figured out for myself until I found a turning point that changed my outlook on how I conducted myself in life and faith. I didn't know from the start that I was going to be part of CFC-YFL, much less SFL. I didn't know from the start that I was going to join the Army. I didn't know from the start that I wanted to pursue a teaching degree.

Overall, whatever outlook and plan I started off with, it's not what I'm thinking of today. It might change or not change tomorrow, but I'm starting to put a little more trust in God's plan for me (an issue I still need working on). I know He's busy shaping me and directing me to where He knows I can better myself in how I practice my life and my faith.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

The Agenda for 2018...

Happy (almost) 2018, readership! I hope your 2017 has been fruitful, and I pray that our blessings continue to multiply over the next year!

Post-AIT graduation; on the bus back to the barracks, and freedom (sort of)

2017 has been one heck of a ride. With the completion of BCT and AIT in January, I'm now drilling with my unit back home in Illinois. I got my first full-time job, and I'm currently taking classes for an online certificate which I'm paying for out of pocket. It's not much as of now, but I'm glad I have some sort of foundation established. With a regular source of income, I'm able to provide some degree of financial assistance to my family back home, and also support my parish at St. John the Baptist.

I'm looking forward to what I've planned so far for 2018. As I stated earlier, I just booked my flight to the Philippines to visit family in January. It's the shortest that I'll be staying there (only one week), but I'll be sure to make the most of it! On the way back, I have a 15-hour layover in Seoul, South Korea, so I'm definitely planning on catching up with a couple of battle buddies stationed there as well. Two birds with one stone. ;)

Jackson Square, New Orleans, Louisiana

Halfway through February, I'll be flying into Pittsburgh to visit the Byzantine Catholic Seminary of Sts. Cyril and Methodius. Having recently transferred into the Melkite Greek Catholic Church (see this old post for context), I've been wanting to go further in my vocational discernment by seeing what it's like for our current seminarians (please pray for them, by the way!). I haven't made any solid decisions, but I'm excited for this adventure in particular!

Chicago Open Air 2017

I haven't received any decisions on my current application for graduate school, but I'm hoping that I'll get an answer sometime by spring. With help from my old professors and a few others, I've applied for a master's program in teaching history at UIC. As the current owner of a bachelor's in history, I've wanted to advance my education so I can be qualified to teach high school history. In addition, should I be accepted, I hope to contact the ROTC program at UIC to knock out my commission as well.

Luke Skopwalker outside of the 330th Homestead! (Miss you, buddy!)

This is currently my agenda for next year, but things may or may not change up. There's always that one episode in between that could prove to be a sudden plot twist. But I'm not too intimidated by that; I could use a good surprise or two this year. I definitely feel like 2017 was the "let's get down to business" phase for me, and I pray that continues into 2018. Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to give me a like on Facebook for blog updates! Have a blessed new year!

Break from the Break

Life can get pretty hectic, even when you think you're in a break period.

Today, I went on a men's retreat at St. John Cantius in Chicago (aka America's Most Beautiful Church). Figured I needed to reflect a little more on where I've gone in life and to discern a little more where God wanted to take me.

There was a lot of material given during the retreat talks relating to faith and theology, but what really struck me was the prayer involved. Undergoing the Sacrament of Penance, attending Holy Mass, and praying the Rosary and the Stations of the Cross became a revitalization for me who hadn't done most of these things in quite some time. I began to rethink the status of my faith and I realized I needed to be a bit more upfront and honest with myself.

Too long have I been stagnant waiting for God to drop answers from the sky; I know He has the answers, but I need to act if I truly wish to participate in His will. God's not a vending machine through which a certain number of prayers will get me the things I need, much less the things I want. I need to give myself to the One who gave Himself for me. That's how you get personal with God.

A Snail Mail Challenge

I've been chilling in my room for the few months following my return from Fort Jackson. I look around and see the numerous unused envelopes and stamps from basic training. And an idea pops into my head...

When I had my phone taken for the duration of basic, I was left with the option of communicating via traditional mail, for which I had to pay in order to get the needed materials to send a simple letter back home to my family and friends. It felt very weird at first--not having done this in well over a decade--but I soon got the hang of handwriting letters and addresses again.

In comparison to the texts I casually sent over my phone and my laptop, these messages felt more personal; instead of the relaxed convenience of typing on a touchscreen, I felt the strain on my wrist as I wrote and scribbled my messages. I felt the effort put into this communication; for the first time, I felt I was actually caring for my loved ones by making these mailings. Of course, I did feel something similar with digital messages, but in my case, the effort and the care felt real when I wrote my heart out.

When I was given my phone--and with it, the ability to text again--I felt different about the way I communicated after ten weeks of snail mail. Texting never felt as personal as writing a letter. Typing and leaving it for someone to eventually pick up their phone and see it didn't have the ring of, "I put in some of my resources just to speak my heart to you." I wanted to do more with the old styles, strange as it sounded.

And that feeling still echoes with me to this day. I want to experience the effort of caring and setting aside my resources for someone I love. I want that intimate feeling of true communication again. I want to pour my whole heart into creating a message that matters.

I have set a challenge for myself and for you readers as well if you wish to join in:

I'm going to start mailing people again. If you'd like, message me your mailing address (it will be kept confidential, of course), and I'll get to writing you a simple, but hopefully heartfelt letter. No matter where you are, I'll send you a message. For me, this is a personal exercise for my communications and relationships with others, and I encourage you to give it a try. It heavily affected my relationships with my loved ones during and after basic, and I'm happy with the changes. Happy writing!

Digging Through the Dark and Dirty

"They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb." --Revelation 7:14c

Today, I went down to St. Peter's in the Loop. Walking inside the church, I saw one of the confessionals with the light on--indicating the presence of a priest--and went inside.

The Sacrament of Penance may seem intimidating to many. For some, it can be very uncomfortable revealing certain life aspects that seem best kept to oneself. "What if the priest chews me out for doing this?" and "I can't be telling anyone about that" are a couple of the thoughts I've had pertaining to confession during my initial years of my formation as a Catholic--and sometimes, I admit, still have occasionally. Confession, to many, puts one on the hot seat.

Coming out of the confessional today had my thoughts racing about my faith formation. I had doubts about the genuineness of my personal prayer time, and wondered whether or not I was truly having a relationship with God through this. I felt I was reverting back to that phase in my life where I thought saying certain words in a set sequence would fulfill that relationship. Everything felt cold and isolated. I kept bringing this up with many priests as I opened up in the confessional for several years.

It was after today's confession that I realized the answer had been in front of me the whole time. The Sacrament of Penance in itself is a prayer, a communication with the divine. It was a way to open up about my personal life and the struggles that came along. It was personal as I admitted my sin through my own words as I dug deep into the darkest chambers of my heart. With these chambers exposed, the priest, an instrument of God's peace, reminded me of the Father's loving mercy which no sin can surpass. What was exposed was not merely a dirty soul, but an open path to renewal.

I have realized that this Sacrament has been my most personal means of prayer, and I hope to continue to utilize it in my formation and discernment. Catholics, do not fear the confessional; it is there to heal, not to punish. Take it as an opportunity to get personal with Christ, who forgave even those who crucified Him. The churches are not simply museums of saints come and gone, but hospitals for sinners (or saints in the making, I should say.)

You End Some, You Continue Some, You Begin Some

Happy 2017! It's the beginning of a new year, and of course, new adventures!

I'm very happy to have celebrated Christmas and New Year's with family and friends back home in Chicago, but alas, my holiday leave has come to an end, and I must travel back to Fort Jackson to continue (and finish) AIT.

Highlights from my leave included, but were not limited to:

• Watching Rogue One, Assassin's Creed, and Moana
• Witnessing my friends break a coffee table during a rough round of spoons
• A Christmas party with my brothers and sisters in SFL

I am not sad that these have come to an end; I'm glad because they happened. That's the key to cherishing memories.

I am very excited to reunite with my battle buddies back at Fort Jackson. Since the beginning of November, I've gotten to learn so much from them, and they truly have helped me grow and be motivated to overcome each passing week. We've only a few weeks left of training left now, so I pray we all can finish this strong!

I want to sidestep a bit and give a shout-out to my battle buddies. Some of us are entering the Army as a Reservist or a National Guardsman and will be returning back home after AIT--with myself included among them. Others came in as full-time, active duty members, who will have little time to say goodbye to their families back home before reporting to their first duty station--a sacrifice which earns them my utmost respect. Regardless of which component we entered in as, I have respect for my fellow soldiers who made the choice to raise their hand and took the oath of enlistment, a small but profound action that will go a long way. Perhaps, in the years following our graduation from AIT, we will see each other again; in a military or civilian setting, I do not know, but I hope we can catch up again after a few years or so.

With the beginning of a new year, more blank pages emerge to be written in our biographies. What will become of us this time? I have many predictions and theories about what may happen to me, but the outcomes are obviously subject to change (plot twists do end up becoming the most interesting, if not key, moments, though).

Here's to the future, with a hit from the past:

2016: The Final Days

I suddenly realize that we're in December now. Things are starting to gradually fall into place as this year ends.

I spent the first half of my year studying to earn my bachelor's degree. It was stressful enough to fit all of that in three years. But now I completed that first step towards my future career. I have yet to apply for a graduate program, but I hope to attain that step soon.

I spent the second half training to become a soldier. It was a bombshell for everyone (myself included), yet I felt like this fit in well with what I strove to be. BCT pushed me beyond my perceived limits, and I found myself no longer in the mental purgatory that kept me stagnant for the past few years. I like to think that I'm finally moving with the plan, as I have discovered many things about myself that have lit the way to where I am now.

As I enter the final phase of my initial training in the Army, I look forward to the new adventures that await in the coming year. Being in the Reserve, I already have a game plan set for when I get back home in Chicago. Greater challenges wait for me in 2017; time to give them a taste of the new me!