Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

My Own Place, My Own Pace

Well, another semester begins. Having technically been a student at my university since 2013, it almost feels routine. The anxiety and the excitement that used to come with every year of undergrad is slowly withering away as I do my degree plan at my own pace.

Suddenly, I don't feel an urge to graduate "on time". There's really no one that I'm looking forward to graduating with (to all my friends and colleagues reading this, I mean no offense). I've walked the stage before, and it seems all good and done from that point onward. After getting my bachelor's degree, it's basically been a free-fall through my goals and career aspirations.

It's been a rough transition, though. In my humble, little free-fall, I crashed into several branches and other obstacles. I entered graduate school with my old undergrad mentality of finishing the degree within the societal expectation of two years. Unfortunately, my rush led to one of the worst burnouts I experienced in my academic life. I wound up seeing my old family psychiatrist for some input and advice.

It turned out that I let myself conform to the inhuman machinery of societal pressure:

Don't you dare slow down or fall out.

Finish within the track that's posted on the degree plan.

No one wants the stragglers.

When I let those voices get to my head, I unfortunately paid the price with regard to self-care and sleep. A lot raced through my head, way more than it should have been. By the end of the year, I was mentally unfit to continue on the rush track.

I have to personally give my utmost gratitude to my psychiatrist and friend for waking me up to the reality of my situation. Truth is, I have a unique story that shouldn't be confined to mere societal expectations of a graduate student's track. I run at my own pace, and I fall where I will. A graduation year is but a number, but self-care is priceless. Who cares if it takes me an additional year or two? I have my own story to write, and my chapters can be as long as I want them to be.

Human growth is not a race, and it shouldn't be. The only person you need to worry about surpassing is yourself. Be better than your yesterday, and the results will come at a natural time for you and no one else.

Cultivating Personal Vocabulary

A friend of mine invited me via text to an event called the Chicago Language Cafe. At a bar which wasn't too far of a drive from my place, there were several tables at which I could practice and brush up on the languages I learned in school. Needless to say, that was a very enjoyable refresher.

My first stop was the Arabic table, marked by an Egyptian flag (Luckily, it wasn't Egyptian dialect only; I would have been destroyed trying to pick up on that.). A couple of native speakers at that table helped me get settled and refreshed me on a lot of vocabulary and grammar which I hadn't utilized in about four years. I had once been actively fluent during my Arabic courses back at UIC, but I let myself go rusty once I finished the language requirements for my degree. However, once I took hold again of my basics, I was able to maintain a decent conversation for a hot minute.

As the conversation flowed, I became more expressive and my chemistry with the others became more dynamic. I got more comfortable and confident speaking as the native speakers coached me. After I came back home, I ended my day feeling affirmed and motivated to develop my language skills more at events like that.

I think there's deeper takeaways from this event than simple language refreshers. It taught me never to be afraid to seek additional coaching at something you're not confident in; there's no shame in asking questions. The best way to practice something is to actually do it, applying outside guidance as needed.

But the most profound lesson for me is that speaking to someone in their language helps them to get to know you better. And by language, I don't simply mean foreign languages; I include body language, personal background, environment, and culture. There are various ways in which people express and understand ideas, and the way that one expresses themselves might not be as easily understood by another. Sometimes, we need to step out of our shoes and affirm how the other experiences things. In the process, we add a little more words to our social vocabulary and our overall human experience matures; we become more flexible in our communication and thus more open to what other people have to say.

I'll close off this post with some questions to reflect on:

• What "languages" do you speak? In other words, what defines how you see things?
• How have you differed from others in experiencing similar things?
• What sorts of "social vocabulary" do you think you'd need to pick up to better understand who's around you?

Pursuit of a Dream, Pursuit of a Vocation

I drove home to the sight of emergency lights just down the street from my house this evening. There’s something about sights like this that often make me reflect on the state of the community around me. Of course, living in a city like Chicago, stuff like this is more or less commonplace.

I wonder what sort of situation happened there and who was involved in cases like this. At the same time, I think about what sort of conditions led to this moment. Being the over-analyst that I am sometimes, I can’t help but feel an urge to figure out and do something to better such conditions.

I guess it’s that inner urge to “make a difference”—as corny as it sounds nowadays—that drove me to pursue studies in education. I’d hope it would be the little I could at least contribute to the mess around me. Even as I majored in regular history for my undergraduate studies, I wondered what impact I could make with whatever career I pursued. At this point, I was aware of struggles that some of my fellow students were going through as well as other incidents back home in my neighborhood.

A friend and I helped repaint one of the buildings at a Catholic parish in Jamaica. Back when I had a flowing mane.

I was fortunate to have a lot of opportunities to serve those in need during my undergraduate years at UIC. At the St. John Paul II Newman Center--as it is called right now ;)--I volunteered for a few mission trips to places such as Jamaica and Appalachia, and I participated in a few service projects back home in the city. I thoroughly enjoyed these moments and the people I served, but after finishing my service trips, I longed to do more. I wanted to do service that was long-term, not just a day or two weeks. I now wanted to develop myself more in service and pursue a career in which I could help others and build up my community.

Today, I'm getting ready to begin my master's program this fall. I have committed to getting my degree and teacher's license, knowing that I will be preparing myself to serve today's generation of youth and giving them what they need to take on life and the world ahead of them. I now feel like I've discovered at least part of my vocation, and I'm both nervous and excited to see what God will have in store for me next.

At Least One More Before 2017 Ends!

Good evening readership! A thousand apologies for the holdup since last month. Unfortunately, work and school took over for the second half of 2017, and I couldn't update any content on this blog, subsequently.

I owe y'all another big update. I've recently finished my first online semester with George Mason University, and that frees up time to write more in spite of what little time I have left until 2018 starts (along with the next class I have to take in the spring semester). In addition, I've successfully uploaded my application for graduate school; please keep me in your prayers for that.

I've got a ton of new adventures coming up next year, by the way...

On the last week of January, I'll be going on a trip to the Philippines to visit family. It'll be the shortest time I'll be spending in my island home due to work, but I'll be sure to make the most of it! As an added bonus, my penny-pinching self decided to take the cheapest flight home, resulting in the 15-hour, home-bound layover in Seoul; that might make for an interesting blog post.

Currently in development is a trip to Pittsburgh. I'll be visiting the Byzantine Catholic Seminary there for a personal tour/retreat there. More to follow...

Short as it is, that's all I've been up to so far. I'll be rolling out more writing sooner than you think! See ya!

Persons of Interest! #6: Sergeant Roman O. Briones, USA, Ret. (1919-2002)

I haven't done a POI post in a while, but I'd like to give a shout-out to a family member today.

That's him circled in red. Maraming salamat to my Silva cousins back in the Philippines! :D

Meet Roman Ona Briones, my great-uncle. He was born in the Philippines in 1919 as the United States was recovering from the First World War. He enlisted in the Philippine Constabulary sometime prior to the U.S. entry into World War II. Shortly after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, the Constabulary was incorporated into the U.S. Army, and Lolo (that's the Tagalog word for grandfather) Roman found himself assigned to an military police unit.

With the Japanese invasion of the Philippines, Lolo Roman participated in the defense of his homeland, seeing action in Manila and Bataan. He was later taken prisoner and was forced to undergo the Bataan Death March. During his imprisonment, he contracted malaria, and--to my surprise when I was checking his records--was released by the Japanese as a civilian, apparently "discharged" from military duty. However, for him and many other Filipinos, the war was far from over.

When the opportunity presented itself, Roman Briones became a guerilla fighter and resumed his fight against the Japanese army, eventually surviving the war to see the liberation of his homeland. By war's end, he made the rank of technical sergeant (a sergeant first class in today's U.S. Army) and earned four awards. He continued his military service in the Philippines shortly after the islands were given their independence and ranked up to first sergeant prior to his retirement. Afterwards, he lived out his retirement before he passed away in 2002.

I heard about Lolo Roman shortly after I myself had enlisted in the Army Reserve. A cousin of mine mailed his records to my house; from those records, I read his story and saw all his achievements during his service. Although I never got to know him, I now appreciate his service and that of all who served during arguably the world's greatest conflict to date. As we observe Veterans Day, let us all find inspiration and hope in the sacrifices our veterans and current service members have made.

Falling Roses

I woke up this morning and checked my news feed. First item I see is a post about a mass shooting at a Jason Aldean concert at Las Vegas. At work, I watch news coverage about this tragedy; it pained my heart seeing the footage of gunfire erupting onto the crowds. With more than fifty dead and hundreds more wounded, today has shaken me to the core.

I mourn those lost, and I extend my sympathy and prayers to their loved ones. To save a portion of your life to be with those you love only to witness them being taken away is senseless and outrageous. It is absolutely unfair for that joy to be taken away.

As I sit in my room writing in silence, I reflect on the movement of the souls present on that day. Joyful souls celebrating with those they loved. A disturbed soul moved to inflict death and sorrow. The joyful souls turning to fear and anxiety when the pain is wrought. And brave souls pouring in to protect the helpless.

In the midst of sorrow and rage in the aftermath of the attack, I stress that we do not forget the love pouring in that night. I want to extend thanks to the first responders who came in to provide safety and security for the victims; these are people to look to as inspiration. In spite of the darkness covering that event, there were people who came to serve as beacons of love showering hope upon everyone. From first responders to those calling in and praying to ensure their loved ones' safety, many acts of love were committed that day in response to the gunman's singular act of hatred.

I'm not writing to debate gun control or any issue related to this. I reflect on the trial of human suffering; in spite of the worst that can be brought out of humanity, it can never truly quench the good that can come out of those willing to sacrifice for others. In the midst of tragedy and suffering exemplified by the recent hurricanes and last night's attack, never lose your focus on the good, little as it may seem.

"I will spend my heaven doing good on earth. I will let fall a shower of roses." --St. Therese of Lisieux

I found it fitting to use this quote from St. Therese, as her feast day was just yesterday. In her short life, she committed numerous little acts of love that nonetheless impacted her family, her congregation, and ultimately, the Church. Her "Little Way" serves as a model for those who might think their little good cannot overcome the evils in this world. As long as there is commitment to Love, hatred and evil cannot conquer us. In the midst of evil, let fall your roses.

No Such Thing as a "True Copy"

While I was studying for my digital humanities course this semester, I came across an interesting article entitled, "Building Meaning in Digitized Photographs". It feels a bit strange to write about an academic work in a casual blog like this, but what I read had me thinking about a personal issue many of us have encountered at least once in our life.

Cutting to the chase, the author, Paul Conway, talks about the implications surrounding the digitization of images. Conway brings to question whether or not these digital copies are true and equal to the analog originals from which they were taken. He then draws various examples of different copying methods and analyzes how "true" these copies are to the originals. In spite of advancements in digitization technology, Conway concluded that digitized images were--to some extent--altered copies of their originals and thus never the "true" originals.

The reason why I'm bringing this article up is that it relates to the idea of the role model or the "idol". We all have had people to look up to as examples on how to live our life. "I want to be like them!" "I want to be selfless as her!" "I wish I could be as talented as them!" Questions like these race through our minds as we think about the people we admire. It's a good thing to look up to exemplary people such as our family and friends, but when does one take it too far?

As much as we can copy the good deeds we witness (and I pray that we continue to do so), we are not meant to copy another one's life to the smallest detail. Our interests may not be the same. I might be called for one thing, and you may be called to do another. You cannot force yourself to conform 100% to someone else's lifestyle in the hopes that you can do exactly what they do; you will inadvertently have a different experience and perspective from what the other has, no matter how detailed your "equivalent" is.

Besides, if everyone lived out their lives the same as each other--like the society portrayed in Lois Lowry's "The Giver"--where is the dynamic beauty of diversity and originality? Life wouldn't be as motivating and adventurous if you knew how it was going to turn out based on what you've seen in others. You have your own story; you have been authored by the Author of Life Himself, with the next chapters hidden away for you to write out by your choices. The world is a library of books coming and going, and you have a chance to write the next inspirational best-seller for generations to read. You can cite from past works, but your work must be your own. It is the newness of your impact that makes the difference. Pass on the ideas, but make it your own in your place in your time; that will be the epicenter of your works.

"...I saw that all the flowers He has created are lovely. The splendour of the rose and whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. I realised that if every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness and there would be no wild flowers to make the meadows gay." --St. Thérèse of Lisieux, "The Story of a Soul"

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A Supersatiated Month

My postings have become a bit more sparse due to work and other obligations, but it doesn't mean I'll be abandoning this little blog of mine any time soon. The past month has been a roller-coaster, and I'll try to cover as much as possible while not overwhelming the reader's head.

It's been well over a month since I got my first job. My co-workers have been very welcoming to me and have been more than willing to answer my questions and get me trained on a variety of things. I've been able to pay for my family's expenses a bit, so I feel like I'm actually doing something to alleviate our overall financial situation. Plus, I'll have a bit of money for school. :D

I went to a few parties with some old college friends recently. Many of these friends have already graduated and are moving on to the next stages of wherever their lives take them. I hope against hope that I'll maintain some form of communication with them. I value these people tremendously for the impact they've had on me during my undergrad years, and I'm a bit stubborn to let these people fade into the chapters of the past.

Sparklers at an equally energetic graduation bash. Thanks for having us along, Kasia!

I got to spend this past weekend with some rather awesome colleagues at my unit. We had a dining out on Saturday evening (during which yours truly was part of the honor guard), followed by a PT test the morning after. I surprisingly set a new record on my PT test, which gave me a self-esteem boost and a new goal--beat that record.

Aside from other hangouts, I still have quite a lot of stuff to do for the rest of the summer. I've never felt so busy before during a summer, and it's a new, post-undergrad lifestyle I'll need to get adjusted to. Things are moving generally smoothly, but at the same time, I'm excited to see what the rest of 2017 has to offer me.

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Pascha and the Lenten Fast I Didn't Even Know I Was Doing

Christ is Risen! Alleluia! Familiar words for faithful Christians after a laborious observance of Lent. Through forty days of prayer, fasting, and alms-giving, and then the culmination of the Triduum, we arrive once more at the joyous holy day of Pascha/Easter!

This Lent was very challenging for me this year. I faced several difficulties and temptations which often threw me off my intended path. I often forgot that we were in Lent and I found myself falling into old habits which I believed to have discarded long ago. My prayer time became a roller-coaster of talking to God vs. mumbling a few Jesus Prayers without really paying attention to my own words. I became doubtful and questioned my commitment not only to this year's Lent, but to my faith in general.

But this questioning and doubt was in itself a wake-up call for me, a sort of subconscious Lenten sacrifice. I may have had numerous failings during the season, but I'm very glad to have noticed the issues. It is this self-assessment which assisted me as I explained my Lenten situation to the priests in the confessionals and allowed me to better shape my outlook on where God was leading me. I felt affirmed by the various friends I turned to for guidance and accountability. Visiting Christ Himself in the Eucharist bathed me in a sea of assurance and hope that my questions and doubts would be answered at the proper time.

It was in this Holy Week that I saw everything fall into place; I witnessed it in a way larger than I had expected. There was a warmth in my soul that I had not felt since I left for basic training in August, and there was also a greater pull--an acceleration in movement towards where God was leading me. I think I know where to go further at this point, though, of course, there is quite some uncharted territory left to go. Something to pray for more ardently as the years come and go.

It's key that we check ourselves once in a while. Perhaps there may be something we may have overlooked in the questions we ask ourselves daily. Not only can we find a potential answer, but also potential new questions to help better understand where God is leading us. As questions and answers come and go, we discover hidden treasures within ourselves which God has laid out.

What roads and treasures do you think God has laid out for you?

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." --Jeremiah 1:5a

My AncestryDNA Results!

About eight weeks ago, I mailed a tube of my spit to the folks at Ancestry.com. After a slight delay due to increased demand for the DNA kits during St. Patrick's Day, I finally managed to get my results. And now, here is what I got. *drumroll*

Generally expected of someone of my stock, though deep down inside, I wished there could have been a surprise ethnicity in the mix. Regardless, I'm very happy to have taken a closer look at my roots, and I may or may not get my parents to try it themselves. Perhaps I could find out more from that, but that's for another time.

Click here to order an Ancestry kit for yourself. It's very much worth the wait!

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A Spark of Conversion

Not too long ago, I found an advertisement on Facebook for a web series entitled "City of Saints". I was interested and signed up to receive updates on new episodes. Yesterday, I received an email informing me of the new episode, which you can view yourself in the link provided.

City of Saints Episode 1: The Good Thief

After having viewed this, I was exceptionally touched by Alex's conversion story. I, along with many others, can relate to the struggles, both external and internal, that he had faced in life. Many times, I often felt that I had no one to turn to for guidance, no matter where I looked.

It took various personal struggles in high school and college for me to realize that God the Father is always watching over me, even when I feel like He's not there. Every fall I have experienced has led to a greater rise; and it will only become greater in the years to come, in spite of the trials yet to come, as long as I keep my desires fixed on Christ, the Summit of my life.

Faith has always been important. With the recent troubles going on in our communities, we need to keep our focus on hope and strive to repair and build up those who cannot sustain themselves. We all have a calling to change at least one person's life and potentially start a chain reaction of change; question is, are we going to answer it?

I highly recommend that you sign up to subscribe to the City of Saints series. There are more inspirational stories to come! Also, please like my Facebook page and follow me on Instagram for blog updates! Thanks for stopping by!

Persons of Interest! #4: Charlie Company, 369th AG BN, 1st Platoon: Samurai

Having completed all training requirements, I am now qualified for my job in the Army! I should be set to come home this week and I'm aching to catch up upon arrival!

I'd like to shine the spotlight on my battle buddies. I have mentioned them in previous posts, but I very much stress their impact on me. Together, we have gone through quite the times. We've shared laughs, tears, and motivation all through these eight weeks of AIT. From struggling to stay awake in class to bowling at Ivy Lanes to rushing to recall formation back on post, I feel more built up as a person with the times I spent with them.

Now the time has come to go our separate ways. Some of us will be stationed away from our homes--even overseas--while others will be returning to serve our local communities. Each and every one of us has a unique story and lifepath, and all of these streams flowed into a beautiful experience during our time here. Now the time has come for these rivers to separate and go where they are directed.

Perhaps I will run into them again (Actually, that might happen with certain people this year. You know who you are.). Regardless of whether or not that happens, I pray that all of them find success and blessings throughout their lives, and I state again that I am proud to begin my service alongside them all.

A new generation of soldiers is about to emerge this week. Congratulations to all who made it!

SAMURAI UNITE! ONE TEAM ONE FIGHT!

You End Some, You Continue Some, You Begin Some

Happy 2017! It's the beginning of a new year, and of course, new adventures!

I'm very happy to have celebrated Christmas and New Year's with family and friends back home in Chicago, but alas, my holiday leave has come to an end, and I must travel back to Fort Jackson to continue (and finish) AIT.

Highlights from my leave included, but were not limited to:

• Watching Rogue One, Assassin's Creed, and Moana
• Witnessing my friends break a coffee table during a rough round of spoons
• A Christmas party with my brothers and sisters in SFL

I am not sad that these have come to an end; I'm glad because they happened. That's the key to cherishing memories.

I am very excited to reunite with my battle buddies back at Fort Jackson. Since the beginning of November, I've gotten to learn so much from them, and they truly have helped me grow and be motivated to overcome each passing week. We've only a few weeks left of training left now, so I pray we all can finish this strong!

I want to sidestep a bit and give a shout-out to my battle buddies. Some of us are entering the Army as a Reservist or a National Guardsman and will be returning back home after AIT--with myself included among them. Others came in as full-time, active duty members, who will have little time to say goodbye to their families back home before reporting to their first duty station--a sacrifice which earns them my utmost respect. Regardless of which component we entered in as, I have respect for my fellow soldiers who made the choice to raise their hand and took the oath of enlistment, a small but profound action that will go a long way. Perhaps, in the years following our graduation from AIT, we will see each other again; in a military or civilian setting, I do not know, but I hope we can catch up again after a few years or so.

With the beginning of a new year, more blank pages emerge to be written in our biographies. What will become of us this time? I have many predictions and theories about what may happen to me, but the outcomes are obviously subject to change (plot twists do end up becoming the most interesting, if not key, moments, though).

Here's to the future, with a hit from the past:

Persons of Interest! #1: Katie Soprych

As I continue to journey on the adventure of a lifetime--pardon the cheese--I not only encounter places; I will often run into people that make significant impacts on my life and shape the path I walk.

Based on a series of Instagram/blog posts done by another good friend of mine (check out her blog sometime), I've decided to start a Persons of Interest series on The Mapping. It's only appropriate that I take note of my friends and fellow adventurers, as I cannot truly traverse alone.

Which leads us to the inaugural post of this series.

Meet Katie Soprych.

Photo creds: Christy Manaois

I met her a year or two ago at the St. John Paul II Newman Center. We sometimes chatted a bit at Newman, though we hadn't been that close back then. It was only until recently, when we traveled to Rome and Krakow, that we became very close friends, our friendship sealed by the many memories made during the trip to World Youth Day 2016.

Katie is quite the adventurer, not afraid to act on her curiosity. She is definitely willing to step outside of her comfort zone and try something new, an attribute which definitely could prove useful for her, as she has recently been undergoing student leader training from Evangelical Catholic. It brings out the best--and often the funniest--out of her, and she is very outgoing. She has an extremely open heart and can also maintain some very interesting conversations.

(In other news, she's planning on building a very extravagant house with all the landmarks she's seen in Rome.)

I'm very blessed to have gotten to know her during the trip, and I believe she herself will have quite a big adventure (and a big map to complement it).