My Own Place, My Own Pace

Well, another semester begins. Having technically been a student at my university since 2013, it almost feels routine. The anxiety and the excitement that used to come with every year of undergrad is slowly withering away as I do my degree plan at my own pace.

Suddenly, I don't feel an urge to graduate "on time". There's really no one that I'm looking forward to graduating with (to all my friends and colleagues reading this, I mean no offense). I've walked the stage before, and it seems all good and done from that point onward. After getting my bachelor's degree, it's basically been a free-fall through my goals and career aspirations.

It's been a rough transition, though. In my humble, little free-fall, I crashed into several branches and other obstacles. I entered graduate school with my old undergrad mentality of finishing the degree within the societal expectation of two years. Unfortunately, my rush led to one of the worst burnouts I experienced in my academic life. I wound up seeing my old family psychiatrist for some input and advice.

It turned out that I let myself conform to the inhuman machinery of societal pressure:

Don't you dare slow down or fall out.

Finish within the track that's posted on the degree plan.

No one wants the stragglers.

When I let those voices get to my head, I unfortunately paid the price with regard to self-care and sleep. A lot raced through my head, way more than it should have been. By the end of the year, I was mentally unfit to continue on the rush track.

I have to personally give my utmost gratitude to my psychiatrist and friend for waking me up to the reality of my situation. Truth is, I have a unique story that shouldn't be confined to mere societal expectations of a graduate student's track. I run at my own pace, and I fall where I will. A graduation year is but a number, but self-care is priceless. Who cares if it takes me an additional year or two? I have my own story to write, and my chapters can be as long as I want them to be.

Human growth is not a race, and it shouldn't be. The only person you need to worry about surpassing is yourself. Be better than your yesterday, and the results will come at a natural time for you and no one else.

My Musical Self-Definition

My playlist is full of artists many of my friends haven't even heard of. Sure, I may have the occasional Bruno Mars or Adele hit blasting on my car radio, but I've got a multitude of songs from the likes of Sabaton, Static-X, Death Angel, Pop Evil, and the like. Chances are you've likely never heard about these, either.

It all started when my parents gave me some Elvis and Beatles cassettes--I know, I'm that old--when I was around six years of age. I immediately caught on to this sound and eventually wanted to explore a little more. Of course, I often had 93.9 playing more contemporary hits in the car, but I would also switch on to the oldies station to hear those familiar hits from my cassettes. As a result of my listening trend, my playlist would develop quite differently from my friends'.

Rock was really the genre I was born listening to. With these rock n' roll oldies as my basis, I explored other artists that were influenced by them. I began looking into bands such as AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, etc. I tuned into VH1 Classic to find more bands and songs to listen to. As I delved deeper, the sounds became more heavier; I started to discover my first metal bands such as Slayer, Rob Zombie, and Dethklok. Since then, my primary genre on my playlist has been metal and hard rock. Now I find myself tuning into these hits whenever I drive.

I've attended a few metal concerts recently, and in comparison to other parties where the music primarily was pop or mainstream music, I honestly had more fun at the rock and metal gigs. It felt natural for me to be interacting with familiar music.

Me at Chicago Open Air 2016! (feat. Spidey, Slendy, and Deadpool)

Having a different playlist from my friends has its pros and cons. Although I might share a few songs in common with them, I do brag about having a treasure trove of underground music in the midst of a pop-infested culture (no offense to my pop-loving readers, I like a little Justin Timberlake now and then.). Plus, I like to think I bring something original to a playlist. However, a downside would be feeling rather isolated at a pop-music dominated event. Sure, I can dougie, hit the quan, and whip, but it doesn't have that same feel as witnessing my favorite band rocking out on the stage.

But I think the pros definitely outweigh the cons in my case, at least. I found a niche where I feel unique in my circle of friends. I am different, yet I fit in; this is what I would consider a proper balance of belonging and individuality. I am not isolated, yet I am not fully conformed. It is part of my self-definition.

Standing out never felt so good.