Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

No Such Thing as a "True Copy"

While I was studying for my digital humanities course this semester, I came across an interesting article entitled, "Building Meaning in Digitized Photographs". It feels a bit strange to write about an academic work in a casual blog like this, but what I read had me thinking about a personal issue many of us have encountered at least once in our life.

Cutting to the chase, the author, Paul Conway, talks about the implications surrounding the digitization of images. Conway brings to question whether or not these digital copies are true and equal to the analog originals from which they were taken. He then draws various examples of different copying methods and analyzes how "true" these copies are to the originals. In spite of advancements in digitization technology, Conway concluded that digitized images were--to some extent--altered copies of their originals and thus never the "true" originals.

The reason why I'm bringing this article up is that it relates to the idea of the role model or the "idol". We all have had people to look up to as examples on how to live our life. "I want to be like them!" "I want to be selfless as her!" "I wish I could be as talented as them!" Questions like these race through our minds as we think about the people we admire. It's a good thing to look up to exemplary people such as our family and friends, but when does one take it too far?

As much as we can copy the good deeds we witness (and I pray that we continue to do so), we are not meant to copy another one's life to the smallest detail. Our interests may not be the same. I might be called for one thing, and you may be called to do another. You cannot force yourself to conform 100% to someone else's lifestyle in the hopes that you can do exactly what they do; you will inadvertently have a different experience and perspective from what the other has, no matter how detailed your "equivalent" is.

Besides, if everyone lived out their lives the same as each other--like the society portrayed in Lois Lowry's "The Giver"--where is the dynamic beauty of diversity and originality? Life wouldn't be as motivating and adventurous if you knew how it was going to turn out based on what you've seen in others. You have your own story; you have been authored by the Author of Life Himself, with the next chapters hidden away for you to write out by your choices. The world is a library of books coming and going, and you have a chance to write the next inspirational best-seller for generations to read. You can cite from past works, but your work must be your own. It is the newness of your impact that makes the difference. Pass on the ideas, but make it your own in your place in your time; that will be the epicenter of your works.

"...I saw that all the flowers He has created are lovely. The splendour of the rose and whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. I realised that if every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness and there would be no wild flowers to make the meadows gay." --St. Thérèse of Lisieux, "The Story of a Soul"

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My Musical Self-Definition

My playlist is full of artists many of my friends haven't even heard of. Sure, I may have the occasional Bruno Mars or Adele hit blasting on my car radio, but I've got a multitude of songs from the likes of Sabaton, Static-X, Death Angel, Pop Evil, and the like. Chances are you've likely never heard about these, either.

It all started when my parents gave me some Elvis and Beatles cassettes--I know, I'm that old--when I was around six years of age. I immediately caught on to this sound and eventually wanted to explore a little more. Of course, I often had 93.9 playing more contemporary hits in the car, but I would also switch on to the oldies station to hear those familiar hits from my cassettes. As a result of my listening trend, my playlist would develop quite differently from my friends'.

Rock was really the genre I was born listening to. With these rock n' roll oldies as my basis, I explored other artists that were influenced by them. I began looking into bands such as AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, etc. I tuned into VH1 Classic to find more bands and songs to listen to. As I delved deeper, the sounds became more heavier; I started to discover my first metal bands such as Slayer, Rob Zombie, and Dethklok. Since then, my primary genre on my playlist has been metal and hard rock. Now I find myself tuning into these hits whenever I drive.

I've attended a few metal concerts recently, and in comparison to other parties where the music primarily was pop or mainstream music, I honestly had more fun at the rock and metal gigs. It felt natural for me to be interacting with familiar music.

Me at Chicago Open Air 2016! (feat. Spidey, Slendy, and Deadpool)

Having a different playlist from my friends has its pros and cons. Although I might share a few songs in common with them, I do brag about having a treasure trove of underground music in the midst of a pop-infested culture (no offense to my pop-loving readers, I like a little Justin Timberlake now and then.). Plus, I like to think I bring something original to a playlist. However, a downside would be feeling rather isolated at a pop-music dominated event. Sure, I can dougie, hit the quan, and whip, but it doesn't have that same feel as witnessing my favorite band rocking out on the stage.

But I think the pros definitely outweigh the cons in my case, at least. I found a niche where I feel unique in my circle of friends. I am different, yet I fit in; this is what I would consider a proper balance of belonging and individuality. I am not isolated, yet I am not fully conformed. It is part of my self-definition.

Standing out never felt so good.