Filling the Great Needs: What am I Called to Do?

I decided to take a break outside the house for a bit and breathe for once. I took some time to relax and reorient my thought on the happenings from the past several months.

I happened to be finishing up on a military chaplaincy discernment retreat when I read that my state would be undergoing a strict stay-at-home order due to the outbreak of COVID-19. A couple of months later, George Floyd was murdered, triggering a sociopolitical powder-keg which had been decades (arguably centuries) in the build-up. Coupled with this was a series of disappearances and murders within the ranks of the Army I loved with my whole heart.

So much brokenness in our country right now. This new decade has indeed ushered in a new chapter in our society: an era of mistrust, violence, and many unanswered questions. Many of my friends, family, and peers are devastated and burnt out by surrounding tensions. I've listened to some of these conversations, and I'm personally afraid of being on the "wrong side" of history.

Then, I remember my time at St. Patrick's Seminary during the retreat. Looking through the notes I took during those talks, I find a note I wrote down about "filling the great need." Now, I know this likely pointed to filling the need for military chaplains, but I think today's situations bring this bullet point to a much deeper meaning and calling.

Much of my prayer time was spent asking God for Him to do something. Unfortunately, this mentality often places God in the role of a holy vending machine which automatically grants us wishes if we say enough Our Fathers and Hail Marys within a particular period of time. Prayer is not magic that demands that God conform to us; it is an exercise which challenges us to manifest the will of God on our part. In other words, we ask God to on how we can answer the "great need" in our daily lives, because "faith without works is dead" (James 2:26).

I currently am on track to commission as an Army Officer as well as to be licensed as an Illinois teacher (by the way, the statements in my blog are by no means official statements or endorsement from the Department of Defense). In light of all the brokenness in America today, I hope I can help fill the "great needs" in the lives of my future students as well as the soldiers I may be leading. I know I can't fix everything, but I can sure as hell plant some seeds. I just hope things do change for the better after this subsides.

"You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. This is how prayer works." --Pope Francis

 Memory Eternal:
George Floyd
SPC Vanessa Guillen
SPC Enrique Roman-Martinez
Breonna Taylor
PFC Gregory Wedel-Morales

Lord, have mercy on everyone lost and broken in these tragedies.

Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

Pursuit of a Dream, Pursuit of a Vocation

I drove home to the sight of emergency lights just down the street from my house this evening. There’s something about sights like this that often make me reflect on the state of the community around me. Of course, living in a city like Chicago, stuff like this is more or less commonplace.

I wonder what sort of situation happened there and who was involved in cases like this. At the same time, I think about what sort of conditions led to this moment. Being the over-analyst that I am sometimes, I can’t help but feel an urge to figure out and do something to better such conditions.

I guess it’s that inner urge to “make a difference”—as corny as it sounds nowadays—that drove me to pursue studies in education. I’d hope it would be the little I could at least contribute to the mess around me. Even as I majored in regular history for my undergraduate studies, I wondered what impact I could make with whatever career I pursued. At this point, I was aware of struggles that some of my fellow students were going through as well as other incidents back home in my neighborhood.

A friend and I helped repaint one of the buildings at a Catholic parish in Jamaica. Back when I had a flowing mane.

I was fortunate to have a lot of opportunities to serve those in need during my undergraduate years at UIC. At the St. John Paul II Newman Center--as it is called right now ;)--I volunteered for a few mission trips to places such as Jamaica and Appalachia, and I participated in a few service projects back home in the city. I thoroughly enjoyed these moments and the people I served, but after finishing my service trips, I longed to do more. I wanted to do service that was long-term, not just a day or two weeks. I now wanted to develop myself more in service and pursue a career in which I could help others and build up my community.

Today, I'm getting ready to begin my master's program this fall. I have committed to getting my degree and teacher's license, knowing that I will be preparing myself to serve today's generation of youth and giving them what they need to take on life and the world ahead of them. I now feel like I've discovered at least part of my vocation, and I'm both nervous and excited to see what God will have in store for me next.

Is This Home? A Weekend at the Byzantine Catholic Seminary in Pittsburgh

“And we went into the Greek lands, and we were led into a place where they serve their God, and we did not know where we were, on heaven or on earth; and do not know how to tell about this. All we know is that God lives there with people and their service is better than in any other country."

Glory to Jesus Christ! I recently just came back from Pittsburgh after a wonderful weekend at the Byzantine Catholic Seminary of Sts. Cyril and Methodius. I have quite a story to bring back.

The seminary was very accommodating to me when I requested to visit for the weekend. One of the seminarians, Miron, picked me up at the airport and drove me through quite a hilly neighborhood; as an Illinois native, I initially felt uncomfortable at how steep some of the streets were. When we arrived, I was greeted by the rector, Fr. Robert Pipta, along with a motley crew of seminarians who I would quickly befriend.

I took every opportunity to interact with the seminarians and get to know their discernment journey. I hitched on a car ride with the Melkite seminarians (quick shout-out to Mikhael, Deacon Oliver, Chris, and especially Neven for suddenly busting out "Kordero ng Diyos" in the car) to Akron, Ohio to visit their parish assignment. There, we attended a wonderful Divine Liturgy followed by a friendly coffee hour with Fr. Eugene and the parishioners.

Back at the seminary, I got a taste of seminarian life. I got to prepare a Lenten dinner with a couple of seminarians, Chris and Kyprian, for a few other guests that came. Aside from burning a few sunflower seeds, we created the best Fumi salad ever!

I got to shadow a music workshop shortly before I left for the airport. The instructor, Coreen, was very friendly and has an excellent voice. We did a quick run-through of a few Resurrection troparia (hymns), and the seminarians practiced chanting the Epistles. Needless to say, I wished I could've stayed longer and picked up some chants to bring back to my parish in Northlake.

I was blessed to have attended the various services in the chapel, from Matins to Divine Liturgy to Vespers. The chant coming from the voices of the clergy and congregation was phenomenal and truly drove in the sense of the sacred and divine permeating the chapel.

Overall, I felt enriched and motivated by my visit to the seminary. It's been a huge step in my discernment journey, and I definitely see myself coming back in one form or another. I'm grateful to the people there for being so welcoming and willing to guide me over the weekend. To all readers, please keep me in your prayers as I continue to discern the path God wants for me.

As always, for this year's Lent, I will be posting a donation link for those giving alms. Click here to make a donation to the Byzantine Catholic Seminary and support vocations! God bless!

The Real Next Steps

Sitting alone in my house, I decide to let myself rest for the remainder of my day after having completed some needed chores over the weekend. I gave my old iPod a charge and listened to some good old worship music which I hadn't heard in months.

Though I do have a preference for traditional Sunday Masses and Divine Liturgies, I like a good Hillsong United, United Pursuit, Matt Maher, etc., on my playlist. When I'm not in the church, I like to reflect and meditated on the go by playing Christian music on my playlist. There's something about this music that soothes my soul and reassures my heart.

One of the songs I listened to was Matt Maher's "A Future Not My Own". It's a fairly recent release from this Catholic artist, and the album overall (Saints and Sinners) is great.

Throughout my life, I've always felt some degree of incompleteness. Even though I manage to resolve one issue, a few more show up, causing more self-questioning and sometimes even frustration. I always felt like I was running in circles whenever I thought about the next step I had to take in life, thinking that I wasn't really making any positive progress. But, after having listened to this a couple of times, I see that how I saw this situation was not quite how God was seeing me. Looking back, wherever I found initial frustration, I realized that was God redirecting me according to His plans, not mine.

There's a saying I've seen circulate in a few homilies and Instagram posts that goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." In previous years, I thought I had everything figured out for myself until I found a turning point that changed my outlook on how I conducted myself in life and faith. I didn't know from the start that I was going to be part of CFC-YFL, much less SFL. I didn't know from the start that I was going to join the Army. I didn't know from the start that I wanted to pursue a teaching degree.

Overall, whatever outlook and plan I started off with, it's not what I'm thinking of today. It might change or not change tomorrow, but I'm starting to put a little more trust in God's plan for me (an issue I still need working on). I know He's busy shaping me and directing me to where He knows I can better myself in how I practice my life and my faith.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11