Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

Cultivating Personal Vocabulary

A friend of mine invited me via text to an event called the Chicago Language Cafe. At a bar which wasn't too far of a drive from my place, there were several tables at which I could practice and brush up on the languages I learned in school. Needless to say, that was a very enjoyable refresher.

My first stop was the Arabic table, marked by an Egyptian flag (Luckily, it wasn't Egyptian dialect only; I would have been destroyed trying to pick up on that.). A couple of native speakers at that table helped me get settled and refreshed me on a lot of vocabulary and grammar which I hadn't utilized in about four years. I had once been actively fluent during my Arabic courses back at UIC, but I let myself go rusty once I finished the language requirements for my degree. However, once I took hold again of my basics, I was able to maintain a decent conversation for a hot minute.

As the conversation flowed, I became more expressive and my chemistry with the others became more dynamic. I got more comfortable and confident speaking as the native speakers coached me. After I came back home, I ended my day feeling affirmed and motivated to develop my language skills more at events like that.

I think there's deeper takeaways from this event than simple language refreshers. It taught me never to be afraid to seek additional coaching at something you're not confident in; there's no shame in asking questions. The best way to practice something is to actually do it, applying outside guidance as needed.

But the most profound lesson for me is that speaking to someone in their language helps them to get to know you better. And by language, I don't simply mean foreign languages; I include body language, personal background, environment, and culture. There are various ways in which people express and understand ideas, and the way that one expresses themselves might not be as easily understood by another. Sometimes, we need to step out of our shoes and affirm how the other experiences things. In the process, we add a little more words to our social vocabulary and our overall human experience matures; we become more flexible in our communication and thus more open to what other people have to say.

I'll close off this post with some questions to reflect on:

• What "languages" do you speak? In other words, what defines how you see things?
• How have you differed from others in experiencing similar things?
• What sorts of "social vocabulary" do you think you'd need to pick up to better understand who's around you?

Confessions of a Former Culture Warrior

Dusting off the cover of this rusty old blog, I feel like I have to get this out of my system.

In some of the recent altercations I've witnessed on social media, I have seen a significant increase of vitriolic exchanges between opposing political camps. There is a general environment of mistrust and close-mindedness that had led to an endless cycle of buzzwords and name-calling which leads conversations off the cliff.

Witnessing this in several circles, I can't help but slam my fists on my desk as I read through the clashes of discourse in the comments sections. No one seems to listen to anyone but their own kind. Stereotypes and political profiling are rampant and memed throughout the feeds. I don't know why anyone would settle within their own discourse and think that their own arguments are ends in themselves.

I, too, participated in a culture war against the "evil" liberal Other. I was brought up to believe that the liberal agenda was directly receiving orders from Satan himself and their discourse was not worth listening to. The stereotypical liberal for me was the anarchist, anti-theist, gay agenda "pusher" who would stop at nothing to destroy all that we live for. It became hard for me to be a listener, and I burned a lot of bridges and friendships for the sake of the crusade. Then college came, and I found myself surrounded by a menagerie of humanity. Different religions, ideologies, backgrounds, etc. My crusader upbringing kicked in, and the whole campus felt like I was in the midst of the enemy.

In listening to the different views and perspectives, however, I realized that I forgot to be human in my Christian upbringing. Sure, Jesus flipped tables and used insulting analogies to humble the religious leaders, but how does that ever give me license to belittle "lawbreakers" and "low-lifes"? Sounds like I've turned myself into a Pharisee. Did not Christ say He came to call sinners, and that those who are not sick do not need a doctor? How have I been treating those from harsh backgrounds and origins? They are afflicted, but they are human beings, products of the Creator with a dignity equal to my own.

I've thrown away the life of the culture warrior. I've learned to actually listen to know my "enemy" better. Wasn't Mother Church built on genuine human relationships, and were not those relationships built on genuine conversation? Did not the Apostles bring the Church into being at Pentecost when they preached to pilgrims in various languages? What happened to that?

Then again, I'm done ranting. It's just a rabble at this point, and no one is going to listen to this. Just another voice in the crowd with no sense of direction.

Pursuit of a Dream, Pursuit of a Vocation

I drove home to the sight of emergency lights just down the street from my house this evening. There’s something about sights like this that often make me reflect on the state of the community around me. Of course, living in a city like Chicago, stuff like this is more or less commonplace.

I wonder what sort of situation happened there and who was involved in cases like this. At the same time, I think about what sort of conditions led to this moment. Being the over-analyst that I am sometimes, I can’t help but feel an urge to figure out and do something to better such conditions.

I guess it’s that inner urge to “make a difference”—as corny as it sounds nowadays—that drove me to pursue studies in education. I’d hope it would be the little I could at least contribute to the mess around me. Even as I majored in regular history for my undergraduate studies, I wondered what impact I could make with whatever career I pursued. At this point, I was aware of struggles that some of my fellow students were going through as well as other incidents back home in my neighborhood.

A friend and I helped repaint one of the buildings at a Catholic parish in Jamaica. Back when I had a flowing mane.

I was fortunate to have a lot of opportunities to serve those in need during my undergraduate years at UIC. At the St. John Paul II Newman Center--as it is called right now ;)--I volunteered for a few mission trips to places such as Jamaica and Appalachia, and I participated in a few service projects back home in the city. I thoroughly enjoyed these moments and the people I served, but after finishing my service trips, I longed to do more. I wanted to do service that was long-term, not just a day or two weeks. I now wanted to develop myself more in service and pursue a career in which I could help others and build up my community.

Today, I'm getting ready to begin my master's program this fall. I have committed to getting my degree and teacher's license, knowing that I will be preparing myself to serve today's generation of youth and giving them what they need to take on life and the world ahead of them. I now feel like I've discovered at least part of my vocation, and I'm both nervous and excited to see what God will have in store for me next.

Is This Home? A Weekend at the Byzantine Catholic Seminary in Pittsburgh

“And we went into the Greek lands, and we were led into a place where they serve their God, and we did not know where we were, on heaven or on earth; and do not know how to tell about this. All we know is that God lives there with people and their service is better than in any other country."

Glory to Jesus Christ! I recently just came back from Pittsburgh after a wonderful weekend at the Byzantine Catholic Seminary of Sts. Cyril and Methodius. I have quite a story to bring back.

The seminary was very accommodating to me when I requested to visit for the weekend. One of the seminarians, Miron, picked me up at the airport and drove me through quite a hilly neighborhood; as an Illinois native, I initially felt uncomfortable at how steep some of the streets were. When we arrived, I was greeted by the rector, Fr. Robert Pipta, along with a motley crew of seminarians who I would quickly befriend.

I took every opportunity to interact with the seminarians and get to know their discernment journey. I hitched on a car ride with the Melkite seminarians (quick shout-out to Mikhael, Deacon Oliver, Chris, and especially Neven for suddenly busting out "Kordero ng Diyos" in the car) to Akron, Ohio to visit their parish assignment. There, we attended a wonderful Divine Liturgy followed by a friendly coffee hour with Fr. Eugene and the parishioners.

Back at the seminary, I got a taste of seminarian life. I got to prepare a Lenten dinner with a couple of seminarians, Chris and Kyprian, for a few other guests that came. Aside from burning a few sunflower seeds, we created the best Fumi salad ever!

I got to shadow a music workshop shortly before I left for the airport. The instructor, Coreen, was very friendly and has an excellent voice. We did a quick run-through of a few Resurrection troparia (hymns), and the seminarians practiced chanting the Epistles. Needless to say, I wished I could've stayed longer and picked up some chants to bring back to my parish in Northlake.

I was blessed to have attended the various services in the chapel, from Matins to Divine Liturgy to Vespers. The chant coming from the voices of the clergy and congregation was phenomenal and truly drove in the sense of the sacred and divine permeating the chapel.

Overall, I felt enriched and motivated by my visit to the seminary. It's been a huge step in my discernment journey, and I definitely see myself coming back in one form or another. I'm grateful to the people there for being so welcoming and willing to guide me over the weekend. To all readers, please keep me in your prayers as I continue to discern the path God wants for me.

As always, for this year's Lent, I will be posting a donation link for those giving alms. Click here to make a donation to the Byzantine Catholic Seminary and support vocations! God bless!

It's That Time of Year Again!

For many of my Roman Catholic readers, Lent is just around the corner; whether you're feasting on pączki or king cake (depending on whether you're a Northerner or Southerner, respectively), the time of fasting, prayer, and almsgiving starts on Ash Wednesday. As for us Melkite Catholics--as well as all Eastern Catholics and Eastern/Oriental Orthodox--Lent's started early or later (depending on whether you're on the Julian or Gregorian calendar).

Sweets and calendars aside, you've probably thought about what you're giving up for Lent. Some of you may have decided to keep a small simple fast, such as candy or fast food. Others may have decided to go all out monastic this year and go vegan for the next 40-50 days. Still others may have given up habits, such as smartphone usage, internet browsing, or swearing. Whatever your fast is, I wish you the best and keep you in my prayers:

"Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him." --Romans 14:3

Everyone has their own individual journey to go through during Lent. In anticipation of the rebirth of our lives on the feast of Pascha/Easter, we journey together with Jesus in the wilderness, facing temptations to break our fast as well as self-reflections of our falls and shortcomings. Yes, we acknowledge that we are sinners from dust and to dust we shall return, but we are called to rise from the ashes as a new creation, stronger and better than our yesterday.

Wherever you are in life, use Lent as an opportunity for growth. Whether you're at a spiritual high or dry time, we are always called to grow and discern in our life in Christ and His Church.

As an added bonus to this post, I will keep you posted on almsgiving opportunities that you can give to for this Lenten season. Here's the first one.

St. William School Class of 2018 Graduation Fund!

As a 2009 alumni of St. William Catholic School, I'm very proud of how my faith foundation was laid out. My faith journey so far was made possible by my religious education at St. William, and I'm more than willing to support its students as they go out to the next chapters in their lives. This year's 8th grade class, the Class of 2018, is struggling to fund their graduation as well as the school's operation itself. Please take some time to give or at least share this fundraiser; it would personally mean much to me to keep my old school running. God bless y'all!

The Real Next Steps

Sitting alone in my house, I decide to let myself rest for the remainder of my day after having completed some needed chores over the weekend. I gave my old iPod a charge and listened to some good old worship music which I hadn't heard in months.

Though I do have a preference for traditional Sunday Masses and Divine Liturgies, I like a good Hillsong United, United Pursuit, Matt Maher, etc., on my playlist. When I'm not in the church, I like to reflect and meditated on the go by playing Christian music on my playlist. There's something about this music that soothes my soul and reassures my heart.

One of the songs I listened to was Matt Maher's "A Future Not My Own". It's a fairly recent release from this Catholic artist, and the album overall (Saints and Sinners) is great.

Throughout my life, I've always felt some degree of incompleteness. Even though I manage to resolve one issue, a few more show up, causing more self-questioning and sometimes even frustration. I always felt like I was running in circles whenever I thought about the next step I had to take in life, thinking that I wasn't really making any positive progress. But, after having listened to this a couple of times, I see that how I saw this situation was not quite how God was seeing me. Looking back, wherever I found initial frustration, I realized that was God redirecting me according to His plans, not mine.

There's a saying I've seen circulate in a few homilies and Instagram posts that goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." In previous years, I thought I had everything figured out for myself until I found a turning point that changed my outlook on how I conducted myself in life and faith. I didn't know from the start that I was going to be part of CFC-YFL, much less SFL. I didn't know from the start that I was going to join the Army. I didn't know from the start that I wanted to pursue a teaching degree.

Overall, whatever outlook and plan I started off with, it's not what I'm thinking of today. It might change or not change tomorrow, but I'm starting to put a little more trust in God's plan for me (an issue I still need working on). I know He's busy shaping me and directing me to where He knows I can better myself in how I practice my life and my faith.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

Falling Roses

I woke up this morning and checked my news feed. First item I see is a post about a mass shooting at a Jason Aldean concert at Las Vegas. At work, I watch news coverage about this tragedy; it pained my heart seeing the footage of gunfire erupting onto the crowds. With more than fifty dead and hundreds more wounded, today has shaken me to the core.

I mourn those lost, and I extend my sympathy and prayers to their loved ones. To save a portion of your life to be with those you love only to witness them being taken away is senseless and outrageous. It is absolutely unfair for that joy to be taken away.

As I sit in my room writing in silence, I reflect on the movement of the souls present on that day. Joyful souls celebrating with those they loved. A disturbed soul moved to inflict death and sorrow. The joyful souls turning to fear and anxiety when the pain is wrought. And brave souls pouring in to protect the helpless.

In the midst of sorrow and rage in the aftermath of the attack, I stress that we do not forget the love pouring in that night. I want to extend thanks to the first responders who came in to provide safety and security for the victims; these are people to look to as inspiration. In spite of the darkness covering that event, there were people who came to serve as beacons of love showering hope upon everyone. From first responders to those calling in and praying to ensure their loved ones' safety, many acts of love were committed that day in response to the gunman's singular act of hatred.

I'm not writing to debate gun control or any issue related to this. I reflect on the trial of human suffering; in spite of the worst that can be brought out of humanity, it can never truly quench the good that can come out of those willing to sacrifice for others. In the midst of tragedy and suffering exemplified by the recent hurricanes and last night's attack, never lose your focus on the good, little as it may seem.

"I will spend my heaven doing good on earth. I will let fall a shower of roses." --St. Therese of Lisieux

I found it fitting to use this quote from St. Therese, as her feast day was just yesterday. In her short life, she committed numerous little acts of love that nonetheless impacted her family, her congregation, and ultimately, the Church. Her "Little Way" serves as a model for those who might think their little good cannot overcome the evils in this world. As long as there is commitment to Love, hatred and evil cannot conquer us. In the midst of evil, let fall your roses.

Foundation: My Life with the CFC-FFL Family

The day I joined CFC-YFL (Couples for Christ Youth for Family and Life) was a life-changing chapter. After a period of lapsed faith and your general high school drama, I pulled myself back together with a new mindset. Together with a new family, I chose to dedicate my life in service to Christ and His Church.

YFL Spring 2010 Camp

Seven years have passed since I attended my first YFL youth camp, and since then I've collected a treasure trove of memories with my brothers and sisters from the whole CFC-FFL community. Bonds were made through joy, sorrow, and the overall journey of the human experience. This relationship with the community has helped me affirm my faith and my relationship with God and I do not regret the path they have guided me to.

In the years following that first youth camp, I found myself called to share my faith experience as I participated in future camps as part of the retreat team. Through this service, I found myself exposed to various questions regarding, but not limited to, who I was, why I came to the community, and why I stayed. My fellow team members helped me build up a better understanding of what and why I believe as a Catholic.

A few years later, I received a call through which I was asked to become a camp leader. The task seemed overwhelming and part of me wanted to run away from this responsibility. However, I confronted this initial self-doubt: "Why should you run away? Is this not an opportunity for you to grow even further in your faith?" Upon accepting that call, I, along with a wonderful group of brothers and sisters, began preparations for that weekend. The weeks leading up to the retreat were difficult, but it was great knowing we were bearing the burden together as a family. In spite of the numerous ups and downs of preparation, we never gave up on the goal. On retreat weekend, everyone did an amazing job guiding the new retreat members and we lovingly accepted them into our family.

YFL Spring 2014 Camp

Looking back at that weekend, I've realized I've grown even further as a result of that service. My mindset compared to how I saw things back then have become more focused on bringing God to others, as long as I keep myself accountable for my own formation.

That same year, I moved on to the young adults ministry of CFC-FFL, Singles for Family and Life (SFL), where I continued my faith formation during my college years. However, recent events have caused me to lapse from SFL event attendance, and sadly, I have not been in much contact with my brothers and sisters as I had before. I've been hungry for some spiritual nourishment a long time, and since my graduation from AIT, I've been wanting to catch up with my friends from the community. Hopefully, I can go to another household meeting and resume what I started at day one with YFL.