Pandemics, Pain, and Perspectives

I admittedly have a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns from the pain of the past couple of weeks. I'm bringing back this blog as my coping tool.

"I can't breathe" is a cry heard 'round the world. These national and international protests in the aftermath of George Floyd's murder have cast the eyes of the world on our nation. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, this national movement for America's black communities has certainly made 2020 a turbulent year.

Living here in Chicago, it was almost inevitable that mass protests would be organized here. Not too long ago, Laquan Mcdonald was repeatedly shot to death by a police officer, and it caused citywide protests (including one I witnessed from afar at my own university). Again, protests from the Black Lives Matter movement have resurged in the Windy City, face-to-face with a police force that many of them seek to reform or abolish.

Reading up a bit on Chicago's history--I recommend A Political Education by Elizabeth Todd-Breland; it's an infuriating read that does leave some room for hope--I have become slightly more aware of the legacy of racial segregation in our own city. I've also been forced to check my own biases (even the inherent racial ones that I thought I managed to completely suppress), and learned to listen to other perspectives. Protesting isn't quite my lane, and I admittedly still profess some attachment to CPD officers (the ones that I know, at least), but the nationwide significance of the George Floyd protests has shaken a lot of my preconceived notions about American society.

But I'm not here to write on proposals to reform or abolish institutions. This here is an individual's thoughts, and these are not to be taken as an official endorsement of any side of this issue.

I'm exhausted from sharing resources and listening to people over DMs and phone calls. I'm human too, so I get fatigued and I need breaks. But my heart still aches for our nation, our city, and any remnants of humanity that are left amidst the brutality and the rioting. I want to keep being optimistic and friendly, even as I acknowledge the ugliness of this issue, but I fear my optimism will be shot down as toxic positivity.

I may not see the end of this issue. In fact, many of us may not see it end completely. But, what I think does matter is our faithfulness to nourish and sustain humanity for the next generation. We might not resolve all the issues, but at least we can make this world better for our children to manage and continue the work.

Do I have disagreements with friends? Of course I do. But I won't let such disagreements dehumanize the people I love; in the end, we grow and learn from each other, and we pass on the lessons. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But it guarantees a stronger platform for us and the next generations to thrive.

We are all carrying a heavy cross up the hill, but the cross is not the final reality. There is a moment of resurrection and renewal, and the cycle begins again. It does seem repetitive, but I think this cycle continuously allows us to maintain a mature outlook on the harshness of the world. This dynamic of positive and negative, I believe, is what gives us the opportunity to express the selfless aspects of humanity.

I might write more on this, but I'll conclude my thoughts here. Thanks for stopping by.

The Real Next Steps

Sitting alone in my house, I decide to let myself rest for the remainder of my day after having completed some needed chores over the weekend. I gave my old iPod a charge and listened to some good old worship music which I hadn't heard in months.

Though I do have a preference for traditional Sunday Masses and Divine Liturgies, I like a good Hillsong United, United Pursuit, Matt Maher, etc., on my playlist. When I'm not in the church, I like to reflect and meditated on the go by playing Christian music on my playlist. There's something about this music that soothes my soul and reassures my heart.

One of the songs I listened to was Matt Maher's "A Future Not My Own". It's a fairly recent release from this Catholic artist, and the album overall (Saints and Sinners) is great.

Throughout my life, I've always felt some degree of incompleteness. Even though I manage to resolve one issue, a few more show up, causing more self-questioning and sometimes even frustration. I always felt like I was running in circles whenever I thought about the next step I had to take in life, thinking that I wasn't really making any positive progress. But, after having listened to this a couple of times, I see that how I saw this situation was not quite how God was seeing me. Looking back, wherever I found initial frustration, I realized that was God redirecting me according to His plans, not mine.

There's a saying I've seen circulate in a few homilies and Instagram posts that goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." In previous years, I thought I had everything figured out for myself until I found a turning point that changed my outlook on how I conducted myself in life and faith. I didn't know from the start that I was going to be part of CFC-YFL, much less SFL. I didn't know from the start that I was going to join the Army. I didn't know from the start that I wanted to pursue a teaching degree.

Overall, whatever outlook and plan I started off with, it's not what I'm thinking of today. It might change or not change tomorrow, but I'm starting to put a little more trust in God's plan for me (an issue I still need working on). I know He's busy shaping me and directing me to where He knows I can better myself in how I practice my life and my faith.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

Refresher Week!

I get to relax for once!

As I sit here awaiting Game 3 of the 2017 World Series, I reflect on a remarkably productive week. I decided to arrange my agenda into a schedule for once (I know, I was ridiculously disorganized up until this point. I'm surprised I've made it so far in that state). It's amazing to see how one little change could relieve so much stress over daily errands!

I'm more or less caught up on my online classes and I'm anxious to get this semester over with. At the same time, I'm doing some finishing touches on my graduate school application and I hopefully will get that in by early November. I'm excited to begin a new chapter at my old university.

I'm starting to get the hang of adulting a bit. I'm slowly but surely learning to handle my own resources and prioritize my errands. I'm actually becoming less worried about the money in my pocket, and I pray I never let that become my idol. Quick shoutout to my parents for helping me on the way for the past couple decades!

I had a blast going to a couple of Halloween parties this week. I decided to use an old costume idea from a few years ago:

They said I could be anything, so I became an internet meme...

This morning, I went to Confession for spiritual refreshment. In addition, I called up the vocations director for the Melkite Eparchy of Newton, Father John Azar. More to come in later posts...

In summa, I loved this week. There wasn't anything significantly bad about it, and I feel much better than with previous recent weeks. It's a bunch of little things, but it's a bunch that made a positive impact. It's the little blessings that God rains upon us each and every single day.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." --Matthew 6:34

The Fatima Experience

Today is a very special day for Catholics across the globe. Today marks the 100th anniversary of the Marian apparitions at Fatima, Portugal. In concurrence with this event, Pope Francis has canonized two of the child visionaries, Francisco and Jacinta Marto, adding them to the number of saints raised to the altars.

"On Portugal's cove on the thirteenth of May, the Virgin Maria appeared at midday."

The devotion to Our Lady of Fatima was one of the first prayers I learned as a Catholic. I read the stories on how Mary appeared to three shepherd children at the Cova da Iria in Fatima and how much those children suffered at the hands of anticlerical authorities for believing in such things. I read on the secrets revealed by Mary to the children and how they would play out for the rest of the twentieth century. I read on Sister Lucia dos Santos's life and subsequent work with the Church in the decades following the apparitions.

There was a lot of other crazy stories pertaining to the visions from various perspectives, like the disputed fulfillment of the Third Secret and the oft-debated Consecration of Russia. But, in spite of all the controversy and conspiracy theories being thrown about, now I've learned that all this is not meant to be the main focus when discussing the Fatima visions. No, it is way off to be focusing on those.

Mary's gist at Fatima, from my perspective, is clear and straightforward. The world now is in a terrible state, having endured two global conflicts, the Cold War, and terrorism; even on more local levels, families are broken, mistrust is built within communities, and personal doubts plague each and every one of us to some degree. But there is one way out, as advised by Sister Lucia: keep praying. Prayer is our lifeline to God and through which our hearts are opened to renewing grace. The consecration of a country isn't going to do much if we cannot consecrate ourselves individually; it takes penance and constant acknowledgement of who God is and our role in relation to Him.

What happened at Fatima was not simply some Delphic oracle promising nothing but Armageddon, but rather it is heaven throwing another lifeline for mankind held hostage by sin and darkness. Question is, are you going to climb that line?