Foundation: My Life with the CFC-FFL Family

The day I joined CFC-YFL (Couples for Christ Youth for Family and Life) was a life-changing chapter. After a period of lapsed faith and your general high school drama, I pulled myself back together with a new mindset. Together with a new family, I chose to dedicate my life in service to Christ and His Church.

YFL Spring 2010 Camp

Seven years have passed since I attended my first YFL youth camp, and since then I've collected a treasure trove of memories with my brothers and sisters from the whole CFC-FFL community. Bonds were made through joy, sorrow, and the overall journey of the human experience. This relationship with the community has helped me affirm my faith and my relationship with God and I do not regret the path they have guided me to.

In the years following that first youth camp, I found myself called to share my faith experience as I participated in future camps as part of the retreat team. Through this service, I found myself exposed to various questions regarding, but not limited to, who I was, why I came to the community, and why I stayed. My fellow team members helped me build up a better understanding of what and why I believe as a Catholic.

A few years later, I received a call through which I was asked to become a camp leader. The task seemed overwhelming and part of me wanted to run away from this responsibility. However, I confronted this initial self-doubt: "Why should you run away? Is this not an opportunity for you to grow even further in your faith?" Upon accepting that call, I, along with a wonderful group of brothers and sisters, began preparations for that weekend. The weeks leading up to the retreat were difficult, but it was great knowing we were bearing the burden together as a family. In spite of the numerous ups and downs of preparation, we never gave up on the goal. On retreat weekend, everyone did an amazing job guiding the new retreat members and we lovingly accepted them into our family.

YFL Spring 2014 Camp

Looking back at that weekend, I've realized I've grown even further as a result of that service. My mindset compared to how I saw things back then have become more focused on bringing God to others, as long as I keep myself accountable for my own formation.

That same year, I moved on to the young adults ministry of CFC-FFL, Singles for Family and Life (SFL), where I continued my faith formation during my college years. However, recent events have caused me to lapse from SFL event attendance, and sadly, I have not been in much contact with my brothers and sisters as I had before. I've been hungry for some spiritual nourishment a long time, and since my graduation from AIT, I've been wanting to catch up with my friends from the community. Hopefully, I can go to another household meeting and resume what I started at day one with YFL.

The Fatima Experience

Today is a very special day for Catholics across the globe. Today marks the 100th anniversary of the Marian apparitions at Fatima, Portugal. In concurrence with this event, Pope Francis has canonized two of the child visionaries, Francisco and Jacinta Marto, adding them to the number of saints raised to the altars.

"On Portugal's cove on the thirteenth of May, the Virgin Maria appeared at midday."

The devotion to Our Lady of Fatima was one of the first prayers I learned as a Catholic. I read the stories on how Mary appeared to three shepherd children at the Cova da Iria in Fatima and how much those children suffered at the hands of anticlerical authorities for believing in such things. I read on the secrets revealed by Mary to the children and how they would play out for the rest of the twentieth century. I read on Sister Lucia dos Santos's life and subsequent work with the Church in the decades following the apparitions.

There was a lot of other crazy stories pertaining to the visions from various perspectives, like the disputed fulfillment of the Third Secret and the oft-debated Consecration of Russia. But, in spite of all the controversy and conspiracy theories being thrown about, now I've learned that all this is not meant to be the main focus when discussing the Fatima visions. No, it is way off to be focusing on those.

Mary's gist at Fatima, from my perspective, is clear and straightforward. The world now is in a terrible state, having endured two global conflicts, the Cold War, and terrorism; even on more local levels, families are broken, mistrust is built within communities, and personal doubts plague each and every one of us to some degree. But there is one way out, as advised by Sister Lucia: keep praying. Prayer is our lifeline to God and through which our hearts are opened to renewing grace. The consecration of a country isn't going to do much if we cannot consecrate ourselves individually; it takes penance and constant acknowledgement of who God is and our role in relation to Him.

What happened at Fatima was not simply some Delphic oracle promising nothing but Armageddon, but rather it is heaven throwing another lifeline for mankind held hostage by sin and darkness. Question is, are you going to climb that line?

My Musical Self-Definition

My playlist is full of artists many of my friends haven't even heard of. Sure, I may have the occasional Bruno Mars or Adele hit blasting on my car radio, but I've got a multitude of songs from the likes of Sabaton, Static-X, Death Angel, Pop Evil, and the like. Chances are you've likely never heard about these, either.

It all started when my parents gave me some Elvis and Beatles cassettes--I know, I'm that old--when I was around six years of age. I immediately caught on to this sound and eventually wanted to explore a little more. Of course, I often had 93.9 playing more contemporary hits in the car, but I would also switch on to the oldies station to hear those familiar hits from my cassettes. As a result of my listening trend, my playlist would develop quite differently from my friends'.

Rock was really the genre I was born listening to. With these rock n' roll oldies as my basis, I explored other artists that were influenced by them. I began looking into bands such as AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, etc. I tuned into VH1 Classic to find more bands and songs to listen to. As I delved deeper, the sounds became more heavier; I started to discover my first metal bands such as Slayer, Rob Zombie, and Dethklok. Since then, my primary genre on my playlist has been metal and hard rock. Now I find myself tuning into these hits whenever I drive.

I've attended a few metal concerts recently, and in comparison to other parties where the music primarily was pop or mainstream music, I honestly had more fun at the rock and metal gigs. It felt natural for me to be interacting with familiar music.

Me at Chicago Open Air 2016! (feat. Spidey, Slendy, and Deadpool)

Having a different playlist from my friends has its pros and cons. Although I might share a few songs in common with them, I do brag about having a treasure trove of underground music in the midst of a pop-infested culture (no offense to my pop-loving readers, I like a little Justin Timberlake now and then.). Plus, I like to think I bring something original to a playlist. However, a downside would be feeling rather isolated at a pop-music dominated event. Sure, I can dougie, hit the quan, and whip, but it doesn't have that same feel as witnessing my favorite band rocking out on the stage.

But I think the pros definitely outweigh the cons in my case, at least. I found a niche where I feel unique in my circle of friends. I am different, yet I fit in; this is what I would consider a proper balance of belonging and individuality. I am not isolated, yet I am not fully conformed. It is part of my self-definition.

Standing out never felt so good.

Justinian's Hymn and God's Marriage Proposal

The Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom is an ancient and beautiful worship service celebrated by many Catholic and Orthodox Christians of the Byzantine tradition. Theology is highly integrated in the prayers spoken by the clergy and laity to the point where the divine and the material are intertwined at a single point. I am proud to be part of a Catholic parish which lives out this theology every Sunday morning.

One of my favorite prayers from the Divine Liturgy is the Hymn of Justinian, whose composure is generally attributed to the emperor for whom it was named after. It is a simple paragraph on the surface, but deep down, it is a prayer and a profession of faith in what and who Christ is and our relationship with Him.

"O Only Begotten Son and Word of God, immortal as You are..."

First and foremost, we acknowledge the divinity and omnipotence of God, particularly focusing on God the Son. He is infinite and the source of existence itself; no human mind can fully comprehend who He is.

"...You condescended for our salvation..."

In spite of our insignificance in comparison to Him, God loved, loves, and will love us. In spite of our imperfections, He opened the way for our eternal redemption.

"...to be incarnate of the Holy Theotokos, and ever-virgin Mary, and without undergoing change You became man."

The way he opened the gates to paradise was taking on our nature, not merely assuming a human likeness. In a harmonic union with his divinity, Christ assumed full humanity, experiencing all that humans would endure, including suffering, and ultimately, death.

"You were crucified, O Christ God, and You trampled death by Your death."

Picture this. The gates of Hades open to receive another soul taken from the earth. Business as usual, perhaps? But this is no ordinary arrival. Although this soul's arrival was clearly a result of a mortal death, it is at the same time the Soul of a divine being. Hades has no choice but to let this soul rejoin to the body from which it was separated, as the realm of the finite has no room for the infinite. But this means much more than this. A mortal, yet immortal being rising from the dead? Inconceivable. That would mean that other mortal souls could exit Hades as well. Christ has broken the chains of death! The power of Hades no longer imprisons the just souls awaiting the opening to Paradise. The game has changed forever.

"You who are one of the Holy Trinity, equal in glory with the Father and the Holy Spirit, save us."

With God's plan of salvation culminating in the Incarnation, Passion, and Resurrection, a new chapter begins in our biography. Now, we have a chance at communion with God. As He fully partook in our human nature, we in turn are invited to partake in the divinity of Christ. This is our faith, our destiny with the divine. It is a celebration of a union, a wedding between heaven and earth.

"God became man so that man could become like God." --St. Athanasius

Open Ears

I forgot to bring my headphones.

I sat uncomfortably throughout my ride on the CTA this morning. I did not have the usual comfort of listening to Gemini Syndrome on my commute, instead looking everywhere and generally avoiding eye contact with other people; I occasionally looked through my Facebook profile and emails on my phone, but even that couldn't alleviate the discomfort and social anxiety. I was used to closing off the outside world with my headphones and staying comfortable in the stagnancy of my "happy place".

But not this time. With my ears open, I was barraged with the bustle and boom of the world around me. Conversations about recent events. Parents introducing their children to the public transit system. Arguments on the phone. Homeless people asking for help.

Why now? Why should I listen to all of this? It pains my ears to hear the pain in this world. I want the noise to stop.

But that's probably why my ears were opened in the first place. One can ignore the pain, but it doesn't make it go away; it will still be there when you return to reality. You'll have to treat it directly if you wish to make your world a place worth living in.

Reality can hurt. It's what we do with the hurt that brings us out either at our best or our worst. We open our ears and listen to our surroundings. What is wrong? How can we fix it? What is right? How can we cultivate it? More questions may lie behind these initial ones, but they lead to more refined answers as we delve and explore our world and our lives.

I'm glad I didn't bring my headphones.

"Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear." --Mark 4:9b

Started From the Bottom, Now We 'Scape

Ever since I was given a PlayStation as a Christmas gift, gaming has been a definitive part of my life. It was gaming that introduced me to the ideas of hard work, achievement, and the adventures in between. Although I'm a 22 year old fresh out of college, I like to set aside some time away from the real world to let off a little steam.

One of the first games I was introduced to was RuneScape, which I started playing around the fall of 2005; I remember the day when I saw a few kids playing it at my neighborhood library and curiously asked what they were playing. I created an account and almost immediately fell in love with it. I learned that some of my friends at school had started playing it as well, and I used the game to occasionally chat with them. Today, I still occasionally log on to the game, though I'm balancing it out with more important things to do in the real world.

Recently, Jagex, the company behind RuneScape, released a documentary marking fifteen years since the game's release. You can watch it here. It's amazing to see how far something can go starting with so little. RuneScape's development from a simple MUD (multi-user dungeon) produced in a kitchen office to one of the most prominent MMOs in the world serves as a model for many who seek to make a big impact; persisting and believing in one's passions is what cultivates those passions to grow and become something larger, something that reaches out to people and solidifies itself as something to be remembered.

I know I'm sounding like a total nerd (or materialist) using a game like RuneScape as an example of "started from the bottom, now we're here," but I believe stories like this are what enable many to use what little they have to make something big. It doesn't even have to start with anything material; it could simply be an idea or concept that one cultivates and shapes over time and is shared to the point where it becomes larger than its original form. Even if it impacts only one person, there is at least one shift in conditions that will be ingrained for some time.

I'll again leave this post with some questions to reflect on. What are your passions? What crazy ideas or dreams do you have for them? What could be the potential impact of these dreams on the world around you? On yourself?

Pascha and the Lenten Fast I Didn't Even Know I Was Doing

Christ is Risen! Alleluia! Familiar words for faithful Christians after a laborious observance of Lent. Through forty days of prayer, fasting, and alms-giving, and then the culmination of the Triduum, we arrive once more at the joyous holy day of Pascha/Easter!

This Lent was very challenging for me this year. I faced several difficulties and temptations which often threw me off my intended path. I often forgot that we were in Lent and I found myself falling into old habits which I believed to have discarded long ago. My prayer time became a roller-coaster of talking to God vs. mumbling a few Jesus Prayers without really paying attention to my own words. I became doubtful and questioned my commitment not only to this year's Lent, but to my faith in general.

But this questioning and doubt was in itself a wake-up call for me, a sort of subconscious Lenten sacrifice. I may have had numerous failings during the season, but I'm very glad to have noticed the issues. It is this self-assessment which assisted me as I explained my Lenten situation to the priests in the confessionals and allowed me to better shape my outlook on where God was leading me. I felt affirmed by the various friends I turned to for guidance and accountability. Visiting Christ Himself in the Eucharist bathed me in a sea of assurance and hope that my questions and doubts would be answered at the proper time.

It was in this Holy Week that I saw everything fall into place; I witnessed it in a way larger than I had expected. There was a warmth in my soul that I had not felt since I left for basic training in August, and there was also a greater pull--an acceleration in movement towards where God was leading me. I think I know where to go further at this point, though, of course, there is quite some uncharted territory left to go. Something to pray for more ardently as the years come and go.

It's key that we check ourselves once in a while. Perhaps there may be something we may have overlooked in the questions we ask ourselves daily. Not only can we find a potential answer, but also potential new questions to help better understand where God is leading us. As questions and answers come and go, we discover hidden treasures within ourselves which God has laid out.

What roads and treasures do you think God has laid out for you?

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." --Jeremiah 1:5a